Hi Diane,
I see Phoenix has already offered some wonderful advise, so no need me comment on those things.
Regarding the zoning idea I mentioned, I was referring to a side-to-side zoning where you basically make a stack for your husbands side, and one for yours. The idea started because for me, I’m usually experimenting on a twinxl bed, which is less costly for materials and less work than swapping queen or king layers. I also have a king which way harder to experiment wih. As an idea, it has some limitations mind you. That’s assuming you have a queen or traditional king (not California king).
I have a cotton 4-way stretch knit 100% organic cotton (from Sleepys.ca), as well as one with wool quilted in a cotton cover (green sleep). They both behave differently and have different pros and cons (and like everything else, you’d need to test to see what you like).
I have both soft dunlop and soft talalay, and they both are soft and it really depends on what you prefer. I personally suspect that the Dunlop you have is a touch too soft for your liking (or the n3 a touch too firm) and allowing you more direct access to the n3 below and isn’t as progressive a transition as you’d like, and that’s a complete guess only. My basic thinking being “14 ild” of your dunlop is meant to mean the softest dunlop whoever sold it has, and n3 is the 3rd softest talalay LI has in their all natural range, so in completely inaccurate and error prone estimation, there’s a larger hop in the middle between the 2.
In my experience, it’s easier to buy talalay and predict if it will be softer than, equal to, or firmer than what you have because you can just use ild (or N1-N5) to order as it’s coming from one of two fairly standardized vendors with standardized measurements… Dunlop, if you cannot feel it, is a bit more variable since they don’t really use ild as much, and there are more companies with variation between them, so one companies soft might be softer/firmer than another company, etc. With talalay, you pretty much know that n2 will be softer than n3, and n1 will be softer than n2, by example using 100% natural latex talalay from LI. With dunlop, if you look at only a single vendor, then it’s basically that easy too… But you’ll only usually get 3-4 options (soft / med / firm), and it’s near impossible to tell if soft from vendor X is softer than, equal to, or firmer than soft from vendor Y.
As Phoenix wrote, it’s a great question if you even like sleeping on latex or prefer a different feel between you and latex.
I guess the only additional idea I’ll contribute here is have you considered going back to the tutorial and shopping again, this time with your senses tuned to those very specific sensations you like and dislike. It sounds like you may be, given you trying other mattresses. It would allow you to fine tune trends with cheaper access to some possibilities. I know when I was doing some of the modifications I was doing, I went back to a bed store to try some of the models paying particular attention to those feelings i wanted to modify for my own bed. It only works well to do that if you can get exact specs on what you’re trying, which in my case wasn’t a problem (thanks to tmasc.ca)