A plea for help because apparently mattress shopping is akin to car shopping in terms of high stakes and frustration. After months of (misguided) research and trying out one bed-in-a-box with the clock ticking on a return (must have proof of donation before 17 November and must have new bed in place before donating because we have no where else to sleep) I’m totally at a loss!
TL;DR
Heavyweight couple seeking supportive but comfortable mattress with $1,100 target budget and $1,400 all-in max (including NY state taxes)
Our specs:
[b]Me: 5’3", 265 pounds (holding all weight mid-section), early 30s female, strictly back sleeper with CPAP usage who sleeps very hot even in cold temps who suffers from chronic severe neck and shoulder pain regardless of bed situation due to Arthritis (Juvenile form I’ve had since I was 3)
My husband: 5’11", 250 pounds, combo side/back sleeper (mostly favoring the side) who isn’t picky but prefers a firmer mattress despite being a side sleeper and is eager for good edge support[/b]
Due to our personal circumstances we are in isolation due to COVID and cannot try out mattresses in person and as this is my first time purchasing rather than inheriting a bed I have no frame of reference for my preferences (I was very much at a loss as to whether I preferred soft, medium or firm - although I learned from your great tutorial that this is also largely subjective jargon!). Due to my weight I thought soft beds were out and as I sleep very hot I hate the feeling of being lost in a bed but maybe my idea of needing a firm bed in order to have it remain supportive and avoid sagging over time was misguided (as seems to be demonstrated by the tutorial’s extremely helpful differentiation between comfort and support).
The Details
Here’s the situation: my husband and myself suddenly moved from The Netherlands back to the US in May to take care of my father who has dementia to avoid him going into a nursing home, especially in the midst of COVID. Needless to say, getting good sleep whenever possible became a top priority and we made replacing the aerobed available to us with the real deal a top priority.
After what I thought was endless mattress research that took weeks, including scouring all the review websites, getting personal experiences from numerous friends and learning the A-Zs about mattresses we felt a hybrid would be best and ended up with a King size Brooklyn Bedding Signature in Firm. Retracing my steps I believe came to this conclusion after having the Allswell Luxe highly recommended as the best mattress ever by two friends who like firms beds. However, as these friends are both average size women (one with an average sized male partner) and one who is a stomach sleeper I felt we needed to get a bed with more support for our larger frames and my back sleeping. We went with the firm because the Brooklyn sales rep said that with both of our weights it would be needed and because of my husband’s preference for firm beds but I was also considering the medium. We made the BBS purchase back in July and initially used a wood slatted platform bed that met the requirements for distance between slats but was an absolute piece of junk with the single wooden center beam breaking twice and now use the Brooklyn Bedding metal platform grid. After both being on the fence about the BBS the whole time and having given ample time for adjustment due to the foundations fiasco we have decided we want to return it and get something else because:
1) I believe the bed is worsening my neck and shoulder pain. I’m waking up with pain on altering sides in the morning and sometimes during the night. if I’m having a bad pain day and go to bed with crippling pain in my left shoulder/neck I’ll wake up with crippling pain in my right shoulder/neck. I think that I must be shifting my weight to the non-painful side to compensate for the existing pain and causing the new pain but was hoping a bed would offer pressure point support to mitigate this. Also as a strict back sleeper using a CPAP on a firm bed there’s only so much shifting I can do (I’m not turning over onto a new side for example). While I find the support of the bed to be exceptionally solid with very good levels of sinkage considering my densely located weight I find the comfort to be very lacking and feel that although my weight is nicely supported that my body is pushing against a too firm surface (I definitely feel significant pressure on my shoulder/neck). When it comes to the question of “do you prefer to sleep on top or in your bed” I never really know. I thought I preferred sleeping more on top of a bed due to my sleeping hot but this is perhaps a bit too much of sleeping on top (although, of course, because of my weight I do sink acceptably in places) and may have the wrong ideal altogether. Our last mattress in the Netherlands was an 11 year old Tempurpedic hand me down from my in-laws and I LOVED the feel of that bed when getting into it at night but woke up with too much neck/shoulder pain in the morning as I believe the support wasn’t there and I was misaligned. I also hated the complete lack of edge support and difficulty in moving. So at this juncture I believe I need a supportive bed (maybe this means firm, maybe not, the terminology has lost meaning) that offers ample pressure point relief and support (maybe this means something with a softer pillow/euro top that cradles just a bit). However, this desire to be cradled just a bit becomes complicated because of my second issue with the BBS:
2) Major heat retention. The BBS sleeps much too hot even in cold temps despite using a cooling mattress protector and cooling sheets and sleeping with the A/C at 65 in the summer and with colder temps now. This has been mostly better as of late, but there were several occasions where I had night sweats in the summer, and I do still often feel overheated even after going to bed nicely cool in a cool room.
- It’s been all about me but I promise I’m thinking of my husband too! He’s just much easier to please. With the BBS my husband isn’t totally happy with the edge support and motion isolation (although I honestly think the edge support is pretty good and his expectations may be too high). But overall he also doesn’t feel comfy or cozy in the bed either and thinks we can do better.
After a second round of extensive research I landed on the DreamCloud Premiere as a replacement but Reddit saved the day - just as I was about to click “buy” I read about all of the horrible experiences with customer service and decline in quality. When diving deeper into Reddit I stumbled upon The Mattress Underground and realized I had been researching the wrong way this whole time! So, now more broken and discouraged than ever in this never ending journey, I seek the sage wisdom of TMU gurus on advising us on a better mattress choice, whether we should just stay with the devil we know and add on a topper or maybe exchange for a medium firmness?
I don’t expect a mattress to work miracles and also realize that although it’s a lot of money to us right now our budget of $1100-1400 absolute max really isn’t that much. My misguided research shows that the Leesa Hybrid might be a good match or certainly the Helix Plus but they’re just more than we can afford (even with sales). After diving into some TMU business members the GhostBed seems extremely promising but also too expensive, even with sales and I’m also intrigued by Luma.
Are we screwed due to our conflicting set of circumstances and limited budget or do any of you titans of sleep have specific mattress recommendations or perhaps even broader suggestions for the kind of mattress we should be looking for? I really like the idea of an innerspring/cooling memory foam hybrid but maybe this is just marketing talking and I should consider latex, which I never even heard of before, or a latex hybrid. I feel like the combination of needing a supportive mattress for our weight that is at the same time cushioning and pressure point relieving for my pain makes for a tall order, especially when adding in the overheating issue and our price range. Does anyone have any recommendations of specific mattresses that fit our budget based on the details provided? I’m totally burnt out on researching and really have limited time to do so because of my family circumstances but would hate to settle on something we’re investing in for our health (I’ve ironically been having sleepless nights researching beds to sleep in as the demands of the day take up all our time). I also am totally unable to undertake the traditional research and trial process recommended by TMU because of COVID. As I’m immunocompromised and we’re caring for a compromised senior we just can’t risk trying out mattresses in person, especially now when cases are starting to tick back up. Because of this would it be best to stick with the too firm got comfort but seemingly supportive BBS and invest in a good topper? If yes, any recs on toppers? Or should we try out the medium BBS (or would this just have the same comfort issues with less support)?
Any sage wisdom is greatly appreciated! Thank you for all the amazing resources here, it’s given this weary soul some hope for a good night’s rest!