Hi JvdBosch.
Welcome to our Mattress Forum. 
(Your screenname reminds me of a friend of mine I lost touch with.)
Thank you for your kind words and praise of the “guru” qualities of TMU team of experts, and moderators and also for sharing your stats and special circumstances with us. It is inspiring to read your account of keeping the straight and narrow path both in caregiving a parent in need and taking responsibility for one of the most important purchases in one’s life. A mattress affects our wellbeing (and others around us) more than any other larger purchases we may make. It is important to ensure mattress suitability to get satisfactory rest. Good night rest will definitely make it more likely for you to perform your caregiving adequately and attentively.
I also understand that budget and inability to test in person are factors to consider, while you clearly did an amazing job at researching there are a few factors that seem to be missing from your consideration that may play an important role in your final decision so I’ll point them as we go along. On top of that, you mentioned several health factors which always take a priority when seeking a supportive, but also comfortable, mattress.
To start off, as you are on a strict budget the first resource I’d like to point you to is Post #13 here about the most important parts of the “value” of a mattress purchase, which can help you make more meaningful quality/value comparisons between mattresses in terms of suitability (how well you will sleep), durability (how long you will sleep well), and the overall value of a mattress compared to your ultimate finalists based on suitability, durability, and all the other parts of your personal value equation that are most important to you (including the price. Even though I never encourage serial returns it is good to also consider the options you have available after purchase if your choice doesn’t turn out as well as you hoped for.
Aside from our guidance in a time where testing is not possible for you the next best thing is to have a detailed phone conversation with the retailer/manufacturer. While we vetted our Trusted Members against a rigorous set of criteria, as a general good practice for any mattress you are considering you’d do well to assess if the retailer/manufacturer is knowledgeable, experienced, stands behind their products, and take seriously any recommendations they make with your best interests at heart. So be sure to find out information listed here so you can compare the quality of the materials and components to the durability guidelines here to make sure there are no lower quality materials or weak links in a mattress that would be a cause for concern relative to the durability and useful life of a mattress before making any purchase. The durability guidelines are of great importance as you are in higher BMI ranges which most often contributes to a fast deterioration of the comfort layers especially. So it is very important to select materials with high durability.
While the BBS mattress can be a good product for normal BMI ranges, you should always be wary about making a purchase based on the reviews of others. A mattress that is perfect for one person or even a group of people in terms of PPP (Posture and alignment, Pressure relief, and Personal preferences) may be completely unsuitable for someone else to sleep on. Different people with different body types, sleeping positions, and individual sensitivities will also have very different perceptions about the firmness of a mattress and a mattress that is “too firm” for one can be “too soft” for someone else. It’s possible you’ve already come across this in your research, but you can read more about the dangers of making a decision based on other people’s reviews in this post. Given your larger BMIs, and temperature issues may not make this product the best in class for your needs.
While we are unable and unqualified to diagnose pain or offer any medical advice or commentary, as you’ve experienced moving/shifting pains on two different mattresses there may a few other things to consider.
• I’d first investigate your pillow to rule out high or low elevation that does not support the natural curvature of your cervical area. You may be interested in reading our pillow topic here to learn more.
• I am not sure what is the weight capacity of the foundation used under your mattress but if space allows I’d move the mattress on the floor for a while to eliminate the possibility of any sagging due to higher weight sleepers.
• I’d look closer to assessing pressure point relief and posture in relationship to materials, density, firmness, and thickness of comfort layers
This is quite an accurate description of moving/migrating pains. A few considerations here … some of which you are probably aware of. There are some good articles on causes of pains that migrate between the body’s jointsbut I am sure you can find more. The body will tend to compensate usually by shifting and engaging different muscle groups to mitigate the pains from inflamed joints or muscles. This is the body’s defense mechanism to get some rest needed for tissue and joint repair and energy replenishing… When the symptoms are milder than, just as you are experiencing, people usually sleep through and notice the pain only when they wake up.
The layers that are closer to the top sleeping surface (comfort layers) will have the greatest impact upon comfort and sleeping temperature (including any mattress pad, sheets, and linen).
I am not sure if you came across some of our posts that discuss temperature regulations issues, but you can read more about the many variables that can affect the sleeping temperature of a mattress or sleeping system in post #2 here more about tracking mattress temperature regulation issues potential causes ~ Post #2 here (at least to the degree possible for a specific mattress) and the posts it links to that may be helpful. You may also be interested in the information in post #29 about temperature regulation and mattress microclimate.
This is where personal preferences become an important factor in considering a mattress. While it may, like you say, be perfectly adequate as far as edge support and motion isolation, something about the mattress feels “off” to him, which is making it difficult to find comfort on the mattress.
Thank the Reddit angels for sending you here! So glad you were able to avoid another purchase you would have been unhappy with, or wouldn’t have the lifespan you expect and deserve from a mattress with your higher BMIs in mind.
With your pain, heat sensitivities, and higher BMI’s I would not recommend a topper as a solution. At the moment you have 4" foam comfort/transition layers above the support core. Heavier people, in general, will need firmer and thicker comfort layers and firmer support layers than those who are lighter and because no materials will last as long with much higher weights the quality and durability of the materials and components is even more important than normal. I wouldn’t “rule out” latex as a comfort layer due to its resilience, supportive nature, temperature regulating abilities (better than any other foams) Because of its unique qualities and ability to take on the shape of the person on it (point elasticity) it can feel softer and firmer at the same time and some will feel it as one or the other depending on what they are more sensitive to, their body type, sleeping position, and how they sink into the mattress.
Post #3 here has more information and suggestions about heavier weights that is worth reading. As higher weights compress the top layers more deeply, they will also compress the deeper layers more so in cases where the top layers are thinner and the support core will also be more compressed “through” the upper layers then the firmness of the support core can also play a bigger role both in comfort and durability than they would for lighter weights or …with thicker comfort layers. There is more about the factors that can affect the durability and useful life of a mattress relative to different people (with different weight ranges and sleeping styles) in post #2 here and the posts it links to.
For example, if you and your partner were considering a mattress with a memory foam comfort layer (which I’d caution against, by the way, as memory foam notoriously sleeps hot and may exacerbate your temperature issues) then you’d want to verify with the manufacturer/retailer that the foam has a density of at least 5 lbs per cubic foot. Or … if the comfort layer is polyfoam, you would want to confirm that it has a density of at least 2 lb per cubic foot.
Leesa site lists their (11") hybrid as 5-Layer Construction with
1.5" Cooling premium foam top layer DENSITY: 3lb IFD: 13
1.5" Contouring Memory Foam DENSITY: 4lb IFD: 12
1" Core Support Foam Layer DENSITY: 2lb IFD: 30
6", 14.5 Gauge Pocket Spring System with Perimeter Edge Support
1" Core Support Foam Base DENSITY: 1.8lb IFD: 32
Again, not enough thickness for the comfort for higher BMI The first 2 layers are presenting durability concerns for Higher BMI ranges. Also because of the very soft foams used in these layers you would be sinking through them thus getting enveloped by them and trapping heat in the process and also “bottoming out” in terms of comfort to the firmness of the coils underneath which may be creating pressure point and alignment issues. This is one of those “counter-intuitive” circumstances where using softer foam can actually make a mattress feel firmer.
Both offer great products, and should you choose to further explore either option, I’d definitely suggest reaching out to them directly and sharing your needs, specifications, BMI, etc. with them so they can help point you in the direction of their recommendation and best fit for you based in their experience and expert knowledge. Whatever you chose make sure that all layers meet the durability guidelines for higher BMIs
If I’m understanding, this budget is for a king-sized bed.
In addition to the mattresses, you are already considering here is a king-sized bed offered by our Trusted Member
~ Arizona Premium is also doing a sale right now and their king latex hybrid is currently just under $1400. Ken would be your touchpoint person there and could help you decide (again) which latex layer would be most appropriate for you. He is extremely knowledgeable. Since time is of the essence, I would call to chat with them instead of corresponding by email should you be interested in some expert guidance from Ken and Arizona Premium.
~ Sleep EZ currently has its Select Sleep Hybrid king size on sale for just under $1200.
~ Latex Mattress Factory is working with plus-size people as well for a very good price point within your budget.
~ Flexus Comfort, for $1365 – their Quadra Flex Pocket Coil Latex mattress. As you may have read on the site already, latex sleeps cooler than the other foams used in mattresses, which could help eliminate some of the “sleeping hot” you have been experiencing. I would suggest reaching out directly to Henry (they even have a handy chat on their site!) so he can help you decide whether a medium or firm feel would be most appropriate.
Not to sound like a broken record, but definitely call them, make sure that they have a bit of time on their hands, and summarize everything you’ve explained to us here. They’ll be able to help guide you and, as Trusted Members of the site, they have been thoroughly vetted and we can vouch that they are in it for more than just “the sale.” They won’t recommend a mattress to you that they don’t feel will adequately suit your needs.
Please keep up posted, and as I mentioned, if you find the specifications of other mattresses that you may be interested in that we can help evaluate, we’d be happy to do so.
Phoenix.