Hi FishinDVM,
I can certainly understand your frustration and time constraints but I would resist the temptation to be “told” what to buy that can end up with you making an even worse choice than you otherwise would have.
Unfortunately what you are asking for isn’t possible no matter how frustrated or time constrained you may be. I don’t make specific suggestions or recommendations for either a mattress, manufacturers/retailers, or materials because only you and your wife can feel what you feel on a mattress and there are too many unknowns, variables, and personal preferences involved for anyone to know which type of mattress design or materials would be best for you based on specs (either yours or a mattress) or theory at a distance (see mattress firmness/comfort levels in post #2 here) and I doubt that any of the forum members would have the knowledge and expertise or the years of experience on specific mattress designs to be a more reliable source of guidance than a good retailer or manufacturer that is familiar with “matching” the different mattresses that they carry to different people or preferences.
I would be very cautious about using other people’s experiences on a mattress (either positive or negative) as a reliable source of information or guidance about how suitable or how durable a mattress or any specific material may be for you and in many cases they can be more misleading than helpful because a mattress that would be a perfect choice for one person may be completely unsuitable for someone else to sleep on either in terms of suitability or durability (see post #13 here).
There is also more about the different ways that one mattress can “match” another one in post #9 here but if two mattresses have different designs or materials then there is no way to predict how they will compare for a particular person because each person can have a very different experience on the same mattresses and can have very different opinions about how they compare.
Hopefully this has helped with what I “wouldn’t” do no matter how frustrated or time constrained you may be.
Having said that … here are some of the things that I “would” consider.
There are some suggestions in the first part of post #2 here about choosing a mattress for a couple that has very different needs or preferences that may be helpful.
Who you choose to deal with can be one of the most important parts of a successful mattress purchase and if you are dealing with a retailer or manufacturer where all of their mattress use good quality and durable materials and don’t have any weak links then all you need to do is focus on the ones that are the best “match” for both of you. On a local level these types of retailers or manufacturers that have options other than thicker comfort layers of memory foam or latex would include Dixie Foam and Scott Jordan in New York. Scott Jordan also has the option for split firmness levels in their mattresses.
If you really are “done” with local testing then online options would be all that’s left but the advantage of dealing with a knowledgeable and experienced online retailer or manufacturer that can provide you with good guidance on the phone is that you don’t have to leave your home and you can ask all your questions and do all your research on the phone. I would focus on the list of online members here because you can have confidence that you will be given good guidance about both the suitability and durability of your choice based on your testing experiences, your preferences, and on the “averages” of their customers that are similar to you. I would also factor in the specifics or any cost involved in the return or exchange policies that they have as well which can help reduce the risk of an online purchase and so that you have good options after a purchase if your choice doesn’t turn out as well as you hoped for.
It may also be worth considering one of the “one choice fits all” mattresses that are discussed in post #3 here which can simplify your research and they have a good return policy as well so there is little risk in trying them to see if they are a good “fit” for both of you.
Something like the 12 in 1 customizable that is discussed here and has three layers of good quality polyfoam that allows you to customize the comfort and support of your mattress in 12 different ways after a purchase (like having 12 different mattresses or variations that you can test at home) may also be worth considering and is available in split firmness levels in king size as well.
Phoenix