Purple 4 too firm! Alternatives or DIY specifics?

[phoenix]

Hi DuckytheLoon.

You are welcome! Congratulations on your new Sleeping Organic purchase. Glad to hear it was a positive shopping, shipping, and set up experience.
Thanks for sharing your current sleep configuration as well.

…however, it is still not soft enough for me. Can you believe it? Argh. My ridiculous diva body!! I know we’ve only had it for 5 days, but at this point in my mattress experience, I’m confident I can tell that it’s the same problem. It is softer than the Purple, but not dramatically. I am still experiencing too much push-back overall and definitely too much pressure (not enough sinking in) on my shoulder. Sigh. I was careful to arrange my layers so that the side with the larger holes was up, too.

In your situation, I’d recommend a bit of experimenting. Firstly suggest removing the mattress protector, and the fitted sheet. You would be very surprised at how often the bedding is the culprit in creating a too-firm sleeping experience. If that helps even slightly, I’d take into account the adjustment period for any new mattress and I would sleep on it like that (without the protector and fitted sheet) for 30 nights to allow for your body to adjust to the new mattress and for the mattress to adjust to you.

1. What thickness of memory foam would be appropriate? Would 4" be excessive or just right? I want enough depth to accommodate my shoulder (not that I have large shoulders).

To find the Mattress/Topper combo that best matches your needs and preferences can be as complicated as selecting the right mattresses. It is impossible to predict what’s going to be your perfect fit, as it comes down to personal preference and your specific needs.
Based on your set up, you’re currently sleeping on:9" of latex
3" Talalay extra soft topper
3" Talalay medium
3" Dunlop firm

Would you be removing the 3" extra soft topper to replace it with the 4" memory foam? It can be problematic if you use both topers.as this adds up to 7" comfort thickness and causes you to sink in too much and compromise your support and alignment which will most likely result in back pains over time. The second issue you may experience is memory foam that it is generally the least breathable and most insulating of the foam comfort materials, so temperature can be an issue. If you do choose memory foam, you’d want to make sure that you don’t choose something with so much memory foam on top that you sink in too deeply.

2. What would be an ideal density for my purposes? How far under or over 4lb density should I go? I understand that higher density memory foam is more durable, but I have seen conflicting information about how it might impact its “softness.”

Density and plushness (ILD) aren’t necessarily correlated with memory foam. You can choose a higher density memory foam that is more durable and that feels very soft.

3. On cooling: have any gel memory foams or other strategies for cooling advanced enough at this point to consider them?

In general terms, gel foams will tend to have a temporary effect on temperature while you are first going to sleep until temperatures equalize but have less effect on temperature regulation throughout the course of the night (which sounds like your experience).

As far as temperature sleeping microclimate goes… keep in mind that the topper will have a bigger effect on airflow, moisture transport, and temperature regulation than other materials, layers, and components that are further away from your skin.
There is more about the many variables that can affect the sleeping temperature of mattresses/sleeping systems in post #2 here that can help you choose the types of materials and components that are most likely to keep you in a comfortable temperature range. When you lie on a memory foam mattress, it will soften with heat and pressure and become semi-solid. It is also less open-celled than other foams so the air inside the foam takes more time to both moves away from pressure and also to come back “on the rebound”. This transformation from elastic behavior to viscous (liquid) behavior and back again in combination with the more closed-cell structure of the foam results in a slower response to changing pressure and shape and is why it is often called “slow response foam”.

Some of the factors involved in how warm a mattress sleeps are how closely the foam conforms to your body (the more closely it conforms around you the more insulating it is), how soft or thick the foam in the comfort layers are (the softer/thicker it is the deeper you will sink into the more insulating materials), the type of quilting used in the mattress (natural fibers allow for more airflow and humidity control which translates into better temperature regulation), the type of ticking (cover) used (natural or more breathable fibers such as cotton or viscose or even some of the more breathable synthetics will wick away moisture and ventilate better and humidity control is a key part of temperature control), and on any cooling technologies used in the mattress such as ventilating and moisture wicking materials, heat conductive materials, or phase change materials (you can read more about these in post #9 here and at the end of post #4 here) and you can read more about the various different types of gel foams in post #2 here.

You may also be interested in the information in post #29 about temperature regulation and mattress microclimate.

4. Mattress protector: what would be most appropriate, with an emphasis on cooling/sweat-wicking, waterproofing, and allowing the softness of the topper to be felt? The Purple protector we have at the moment is stretchy, thin, and noiseless, but I don’t know if it might be contributing to heat problems. I see wool cited a lot as a good material. Are there any particular models/merchants that would be satisfactory? This is another jungle to me…so many are quilted or padded on top, and my concern is that padding/lack of stretch would interfere with the topper feel.

While mattress protectors are not the focus of the forum, there are quite a few topics that could be useful to you…Post #89 on the pros and cons of different zippered mattress protectors
Post addressing breathability and functionality of mattress protectors.Post summarizes different materials used in mattress protectors, and ultimately how the material of the protector you choose will boil down to personal preference.

5. Fitted sheet: Similarly to the question above, do you think it is necessary to have a “stretchy” sheet to experience the softness of the topper? Normally, I prefer cotton (percale or flannel, not sateen) and linen, but these are decidedly not elastic. Trying to weigh cooling vs. stretching benefits. Honestly, if the topper is soft enough, it might not matter if nothing else is elastic, just as long as there’s enough slack to allow sinking in. I might be getting paranoid, haha.

It may be the combination of your protector and the fitted sheet being very taut that prevents you from getting more softness you desire so yes; I do think the fitted sheet can affect to a certain degree the experience you have with “softness” on a mattress.

Yet again I’ve left you with a lot to think and read through! Hopefully, you find it helpful in working through your softness and temperature issues. Please let me know if you have additional questions as you sift through all of these resources!

Phoenix