Hi StinkyFace.
Welcome to our Mattress Forum! 
Apologies for the late reply. We had to redistribute some TMU tasks as we are one moderator short for a little while until Sensei is back from a personal leave. Thank you for providing the detailed specs of the Telluride Plush
Sorry to hear that both your Denver mattresses have durability issues and the comfort/support specs are mismatched for you and your husband. It is quite distressing to have to switch beds and sleep on the sofa 60% of the time. You did not list your BMI, sleeping positions, and other specific stats which would be useful in understanding what may have gone wrong on the suitability front.
I understand you changed the frames to check if that is the cause of the sagging. but a better way to eliminate the foundation as a problem and being sagging or unsupportive is to place the mattress on the floor While removing the box spring is a good start you have to ensure that the support system is still perfectly flat, has good center support, and that there are no parts that are sagging or that are bending under the weight of the mattress and the people sleeping on it. It should provide similar support to having your mattress on the floor and you can test this by putting your mattress on the floor to see if it makes any difference. If it does then it’s possible that your support system could be part of the problem as well. Any sagging will bring with it spinal misalignment and even though you do not mention lower back pains your husband’s restlessness may have to do with his body trying to compensate during the night.
[QUOTE] I do well on hotel beds and pillow top mattresses. I cannot sleep on a firm mattress because my hands and feet fall asleep. My husband’s shoulder bothers him on a firm mattress although he says he likes a harder mattress than me.
We have had the Telluride for over a year and he tosses and turns, while my hands fall asleep. Mattress toppers make it tollerable, but when he rolls over I am getting a ton of motion transfer so I wake up.[/QUOTE]
I would tend to avoid using Hotel mattresses as a benchmark. Hotel mattresses, while not a single “type” of the mattress, do tend to be in the general category of what many would call “medium-firm” which means that they have a medium plush layer over a firmer support core. This “feel” tends towards the average preference of a large cross-section of the population. Hotels select beds that are a bit firmer feeling and then customizing their mattresses with various “top of bed” products such as plush mattress pads and polyfill toppers. These are easier to replace and launder and offer a more cost-effective solution to add a bit of plushness to a mattress, and the items closest to your skin – the sheets and pillows – can have a dramatic impact on the overall impression of comfort made by a hotel mattress but that does not guaranty long term suitability if the “top of the bed” product starts degrading.
From the symptoms you describe for you and your husband even though it appears that the mattress is too firm it may be a little more complicated … 4.5" of very soft foams on top would qualify as a plush however there are many interrelated variables that you’d need to take into account. Depending on your BMI and sleeping position it may also be that you are sinking in and bottoming out on the firmer support system under, it may also be combined with some sagging of the support system under your bed. While I can make a few general suggestions that may help in tracking down some of the possible reasons for your numbness I suggest that you first try to understand your sleeping landscape and where your symptoms originate and do a little bit of local testing before you rush into any online purchase.
Numbness, shoulder pressure points, and pains while sleeping on your back can come from a mattress that is too firm and puts direct pressure on the shoulders, the shoulder blades, or on the back muscles and can also cause soreness or numbness and tingling in the arms or can often come from postural issues as well. There is a bit more information about sleeping positions and posture in this article here .
There are many variables that affect motion transfer such as the combinations of materials and components, and the type of movement you are trying to isolate (larger bouncy movements, smaller vibration type of movements etc), and the effect of comfort layers (latex, memory foam, microcoils) compared to the effect of support layers (latex, innersprings). Comfort layers will have more of an effect on smaller or slower movements or can damp the effect of the layers below while support layers will have more of an effect on larger, stronger, or faster movements. There are also different types of each material and different mattress constructions that can have more of an effect than the material itself. Trying to make comparisons for each material in isolation can be more misleading than helpful. Box springs under a mattress or other support systems that flex under a mattress can also transfer more motion than a support system that has no flex at all.
The best strategy against motion transfer would be to get two twin XL on separate foundations or adjustable beds and perhaps place them within the same bed frame for esthetic reasons. The disadvantage that comes with this option is that there’ll be a gap between the beds and you will probably need to fill it using a convertor. Depending on the level of sensitivity to motion transfer your next best option would be to get a split king which can be also customized to fit the different needs and preferences between you and your husband. (see the first part of https://forum.mattressunderground.com/t/designing-the-right-mattress-for-us[url=https://forum.mattressunderground.com/t/designing-the-right-mattress-for-us] [/url]). There are also some comments about the pros and cons of split king mattresses (two twin XL mattresses placed side by side) vs a single king size mattress in post #8 here and in this topic.
From the 3 options, you mentioned I would avoid the first one unless you are able to find the mattress information listed here to compare the quality of the materials and components to the https://mattressunderground.com/our-articles/mattress-durability-guidelines-how-long-will-a-mattress-last.html mattress durability guidelines here
Option 2 has many advantages over the 3 options you listed as you can make a purchase under the guidance of Ken from Arizona Premium Mattress who is the manufacturer and is much more familiar with their own mattress designs and materials than anyone else (including me) and they can use the information you provide them about your body type and sleeping positions, your preferences, your history on different mattresses, and the results of your local testing to make suggestions based on the “averages” of other customers that may be similar to you. The more accurate and detailed the information you provide them the better you will help them to help you make the best possible choices out of the options they have available.
I am not sure if option 3 that you tend to gravitate towards is an online purchase or if you can do any local testing which would be the best way to assess suitability. I have not done a deep dive into the company to assess its reputation but generally speaking, the components are durable. The mattress itself is not organically certified but they list it as having organic components. I do not see the organic certifications for their suppliers either on Bella’s site or the two shops that offer this mattress.
Of course the options you have available with each retailer or manufacturer (or with a particular mattress) and your ability to exchange layers or the mattress itself or use other forms of fine-tuning after your purchase or the return policy may also be an important part of your personal value equation or to offset the risk that can go with any online purchase.
Phoenix