Hi Robs546,
While I can certainly help with “how” to choose … It’s not possible to make specific suggestions or recommendations for either a mattress, manufacturers/retailers, or combinations of materials or components because the first “rule” of mattress shopping is to always remember that you are the only one that can feel what you feel on a mattress and there are too many unknowns, variables, and personal preferences involved that are unique to each person to use a formula or for anyone to be able to predict or make a specific suggestion or recommendation about which mattress or combination of materials and components or which type of mattress would be the best “match” for you in terms of “comfort”, firmness, or PPP (Posture and alignment, Pressure relief, and your own Personal preferences) or how a mattress will “feel” to you or compare to another mattress based on specs (either yours or a mattress), sleeping positions, health conditions, or “theory at a distance” that can possibly be more reliable than your own careful testing (hopefully using the testing guidelines in step 4 of the tutorial) or your own personal sleeping experience (see mattress firmness/comfort levels in post #2 here).
If you have tried two soft mattresses and both of them were too firm for you then the odds are fairly high that you are somewhat outside the “averages” of the firmness range that would be suitable for most people and that most of the other softer simplified choice mattresses would be too firm as well.
The Dreamfoam Aloe Alexis certainly uses high quality materials and the softest version uses very soft latex comfort layers so it would probably be softer than most of the other online choices that are available to you (at least in terms of latex or latex hybrid mattresses) so it may be worth trying but when you can’t test a mattress in person then the most reliable source of guidance is always a more detailed phone conversation with a knowledgeable and experienced retailer or manufacturer that has your best interests at heart and who can help “talk you through” the specifics of their mattresses and the properties and “feel” of the materials they are using (fast or slow response, resilience, firmness etc) and the options they have available that may be the best “match” for you based on the information you provide them, any local testing you have done or mattresses you have slept on and liked or other mattresses you are considering that they are familiar with, and the “averages” of other customers that are similar to you. They will know more about “matching” their specific mattress designs and firmness levels to different body types, sleeping positions, and preferences (or to other mattresses that they are familiar with) than anyone else.
Every good online retailer or manufacturer will generally make suggestions that they honestly believe have the best chance of success based on the information you provide them when you talk to them on the phone because this is in both your own and their best interests but again … at the end of the day the only way to know for certain whether any specific mattress is a good match for you in terms of comfort, firmness, and PPP will be based on your own careful testing and/or your own personal experience so if you can’t test a specific mattress in person then the options you have available after a purchase to either exchange the mattress or individual layers or components or return the mattress for a refund (and any costs involved) would generally become a more important part of your personal value equation just in case a mattress you purchase doesn’t turn out as well as you hoped for.
Any specific mattress may be the “best” match for a relatively small percentage of people, a “good” match for a larger percentage, and an “OK” match for a larger percentage yet but the only way to know for certain whether a mattress you end up choosing will be a “good enough” match for you to keep it (even if it isn’t the “best match” out of all the mattresses that you “could have tried” instead) will be based on careful testing in a store and/or your own personal experience when you sleep on it.
One of the advantages of trying mattresses locally is that you can try many different types and styles and combinations of materials and components and firmness levels and compare them to each other in “real time” based on your actual experience rather than just “theory” instead of trying one online mattress at a time and not knowing how it compares to the other mattresses that you could have tried or purchased instead.
Some good local testing will also give you a much better sense of the many different types of materials and components that are used in mattresses and some reference points about the types of mattresses (see this article) and general firmness levels you tend to prefer which can help you narrow down your choices regardless of whether you end up purchasing locally or online.
If you do purchase the Aloe Alexis and if for some reason it also doesn’t turn out to be as good a “match” for you as you hoped for then I would probably suggest a local purchase that you can test in person before a purchase.
If you let me know your city or zip code I’d be happy to let you know about the better options or possibilities I’m aware of in your area.
Phoenix