Hi Timdogg,
Thanks for the update and your comments about the 10" Tuft & Needle mattress … I appreciate it 
It’s very true that no matter what the quality or value of a mattress … there is no such thing as a “one size fits all” mattress and sometimes some fine tuning can be necessary.
If you do choose to go in the direction of a topper then the topper guidelines in post #2 here and the posts it links to may be helpful with choosing a topper that is “just enough” in terms of thickness and softness to relieve pressure with the least possible risk of alignment issues for either you or your wife.
Phoenix