Hi Brad123,
Jim here from Spindle. I hope I can help advise you through your sleep situation.
First off I am sorry to here of the back pain you are experiencing. Trying to find the balance between comfort and support can be difficult, hope this helps!
“she explained that she bought some weird demo bed at a mattress store because it was regularly $3000 and got it for $1000 or something. Only catch was, half the bed is soft, and half is firm. When I was on the firm side, I had no pain. Same for her. Whenever we were on the soft side, our backs were a mess.”
It may be helpful if you could tell us more about what the mattress is made of. Let us know if you have more information on your current mattress. There are a lot of factors going on here. A firm latex may not be the best to reduce heat. But, applying certain sheets and mattress protectors could help make the latex sleep more cool. Here is some advice on those products.
A Mattress protector that is waterproof protectors are a great choice for most people but they are less breathable than say a washable wool mattress protector. For those who experience excessive sweating, other options may need to be explored. We have some wool pads. Wool is know for its’ heat and moisture wicking properties so not a bad idea to try a product to dissipate the heat.
Sheets and bedding made with a phase-change material like Outlast can also keep you cooler. Unfortunately, we’re not sufficiently experienced with these products to give you a worthwhile recommendation. Plus maybe not the best idea unless you know what chemicals are going into the materials, however there are more “natural” options like copper infused.
Duvets or lofty down comforters will also trap in body heat. An ultra lightweight comforter works best. Transitioning from cotton pajamas to heat/moisture wicking clothing can also make a big difference.
As far as finding the right topper comparing ILD between manufacturers is helpful, but the same ILD from a different manufacturer’s can feel completely different. Also certain blends of natural latex will have different smells some that may trigger your sensitivity and some that may not. I suggest looking at the many natural latex options here on the mattress underground under the experts and members. Reaching out directly to one of the many options found here will be the best way to receive information and compare.
There is no science to this and the list above is far from exhaustive. Most people use a combination of approaches that make most sense to them. We’re all very different and the solutions we develop are likewise just as unique. Let us know if you have more information about your mattress and support system (name brand, height and materials help.)
Best,
Jim