Hi BrendaE,
Welcome to TMU. First I would like you to see this video of a purple mattress being opened up and examined. Inside the Purple Mattress It is possible and perhaps likely that some of your issues with the mattress stems from issues like this.
You husband needs a mattress that will support his large frame and weight. You on the other hand are on a different end of the spectrum with your size. It is not impossible for you to have the same preferences. Sometimes folks of different sizes and weight categories can enjoy the same mattress. One of the issues though, is the mattress utilizes too much poor quality foam, the larger sleeper in the couple will wear that foam down in record time, while the other sleeper remains stable, but that in turn will require a new mattress, as you can not fix that type of issue if the mattress is not designed with split or individual dual comfort replaceable mattress layers. You really should address the needs of the more your husband’s requirement first, from the perspective that with the wrong material structure of the mattress, it will not last too long with his physical characteristics. I say not impossible, as I am 6’ 218 (used to be closer to 250) and my wife is 5’4 135 and we sleep on the same king, super firm mattress, without issue as 80% side sleepers. So the generally accepted rule of too firm for side sleepers, is just that, a general rule or a guide. I will start by saying once you have selected the appropriate mattress, did very deep into finding the right pillow/s for each of you. I suspect you will need different pillows to satisfy each of your comfort levels. The fact that you have lower neck and other issues is testimony to individualized comfort and the pillow will by a vital key to getting there.
You can find mattresses in all price ranges and as I articulated in another post The cost to performance ratio, you dont always have to go for the lungs to get there. I call it may “cost to performance ratio”. ( I do this with my patients, is the change in your eyeglass Rx enough to warrant spending $1000 on a new pair of glasses, if you are happy with your current style! If you want to change your style or look, that is one thing, but dont expect much of a change in your vision). I apply those same values in evaluating mattress choices. You can purchase one of the “S” mattresses for up to 5-8k and if it sinks on you in a year or less, the high price did not bring you much value. that is not to say that another mattress in the same price range will perform as poorly, it just means you have to really exam the mattress, the materials, each layer, and where and how they are placed in the mattress construction. For example, some folks need targeted or extra pressure relieving mechanisms in their mattress. One suggestion would be to use a layer of memory foam in the comfort layer. Memory foam can sometimes cause a lot of heat retention and for those who already sleep hot, now get zapped with more heat while they sleep. Manufacturers can utilize microcoils to accomplish the same task. Quality microcoils used in place of memory foam will allow for excellent pressure relief, more air flow and less heat retention. You need to be careful though. Some mattress companies add micro coils gratuitously, just to say, we have ### coils in our mattress, but if those coils are not large enough, poor quality, or placed in the wrong section of the mattress, you are paying for hype. See this Gratuitous micocoils in a mattress. I am not picking on anyone, just pointing out a characteristic the mattress shopper needs to consider when getting all hyped up about a gorgeous looking mattress on a showroom floor. Back to value. Am I getting $$$ worth of value for the extra $$$ I am spending or will I end up at the same place in the end. Am I willing to take a chance on risking the difference if the end result is not clearly beneficial. Anyway, online mattresses like the big fig, titan plus/luxe, plank luxe/natural, helix plus are built and designed around folks who either need a firm mattress, a solid support layer, heavier gauge coils (usually 12.5-13.75g) or a very supportive foam support layer, with a comfort layer that finalizes our comfort preference. I am a big mattress topper fan, and I think almost everyone should use one, it can fine tune your position comfort, protects the longevity of your mattress, and if it begins to wear, you are replacing the topper, not the mattress. The big fig has been problematic for side sleepers as the typical complaint is it too hard. Depending on the type of mattress you like, hybrid, all foam, innerspring, there are many sources here at TMU who can customize you exact needs and PPP’s to the “T”. The trusted manufacturers and retailers are among the best in the industry (Manufacturer-Retail Stores :: The Mattress Underground) and you should query their sites. In my view, the difference between a smaller manufacturer and the big boys, is a smaller manufacturer that is custom manufacturing a mattress, can literally make anything you want. I am of the belief, simple is better, less is more. Start with a good support layer, add a good base layer is a single sided mattress, and perhaps up to about 5" of comfort layer deplored to your personal preferences. Once you start getting into mattresses that have 10" of foam over the support layer, it makes it hard for the support layer to do it’s job and have any affect on your comfort. Personally, I am thinking hybrid on your behalf. Since he likes softer than you, a split comfort, comfort layer/section of the mattress will probably be best. If you seek an all foam bed, take a look at Custom Sleep Technology (https://customsleeptech.com/) just to see what a manufacturer can do with building a mattress and how the comfort levels can be segmented and customized for each sleeper. If you can not find a dual comfort mattress that allows for interchangeable comfort layers, than perhaps a split king. I would take a little time to review some of the manufactures here. Check out (Mattress Makers :: The Mattress Underground) they are excellent at building a great custom mattress. There are plenty here and online to choose from. I am not a real gimmicky type of person, which is why I am not so high on purple grids, airweave materials, gels and cooling chemicals. They certainly have value for some, and can be comfortable as others have experienced. I would suggest you surf around and get some ideas and then we can revisit. Then we can talk about the fine print. Warranties, refunds, restocking fees, returns, and exchanges. When it comes to that, you need to get that info in writing or email, prior to standing at the register. Never feel pressured. This is not a race, go home, or if online, take a day to sleep on it (no pun intended). Then revisit the next day and see if the excitement is still there.
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