Hi Rachellyn.
Thank you for your kind words. I am glad to hear that The Mattress Underground has been able to offer you valuable resources in your mattress shopping journey!
I understand why you would be “a bit stuck right now” … you are indeed facing quite a few hurdles in selecting a good fit mattress including the Covid separation from your partner due to border restrictions, distance, and several individual needs due to the disparity between you and your partner’s BMI. I agree that an air mattress is not a long-term solution but hopefully, with a little more perusing though a few more resources and a bit more guidance, you can narrow down a few good options even in the physical absence of your partner.
As you are considering custom made options, it makes sense that with your special circumstances a DYI mattress could be worthwhile looking at as it allows for customizing each side separately which can be very appropriate especially if you are leaving a little of “headroom” for any after purchase adjustments that may be necessary when your partner can join you. Due to the larger weight differential between you and your partner and because of your different sleeping positions, you will certainly need different contour and support configurations at your respective weights. It would be good prep work if you and your partner can exchange a few notes in terms of needs and preferences so that you decide on the type of mattress and materials and the support you prefer. I’d be interested to know a bit his history in terms of pain, surface material preferences, any past motion isolation issues, and determine if he is the type of sleeper that can sleep on just anything with no issues or if he is more sensitive. That will have a big effect on your final choice as well.
Your partner’s higher BMI presents special challenges and generally requires firmer materials (in the support layers especially) and a thicker mattress as you noted… You on the other hand are petite and would not need much thickness (7" -9" would be more than enough) You could do well with a much thicker mattress provided that you have enough support to keep your spine in neutral alignment when sleeping prone. For your partner’s BMI I’d probably go thicker than 10" and make sure that the comfort/transition layers are firmer, thicker, and very durable (check the mattress durability guidelines for higher BMIs) no materials will last as long with much higher weights the quality and durability of the materials and components is even more important than normal.
While a thicker mattress certainly wouldn’t be necessary in your weight range … there are some people that may prefer it you can read more about the pros and cons of having more layers in post #2 here and there is also more about the effect of thickness (more layers would make a thicker mattress) in post #14 here .
I’d also keep in mind while you are trying to put this puzzle together that the thicker the mattress is … the firmness would need to go up on average because thicker mattresses will “act” softer for most people. Also If you make changes to one of the specs (such as the layer thickness of the top layer) … then you may also need to make other changes to the other layers to compensate. This is because heavier weights will compress more of the mattress surface and go through the comfort layers. But generally, I’d advise that you get a thick enough mattress to be able to accommodate the weight differential and focus on your side of the bed first and get that right.
A split left/right configuration would certainly have the best odds of success. The mattress can be built so that the total thickness of the mattress is the same for each side, which means that there would be no difference in elevation, and with a suitable tight fitted quilted cover, the “split” transition area between sides is usually unnoticeable for most people. You can read more here about side by side layering in post #2. You’ve mentioned that firmer materials are less comfortable for you, but for your stomach sleeping position, you may wish to review the guidelines in this [url=Your sleeping style, preferences, and statistics - Your sleep positions - The Mattress Underground] Sleep Positions Article [url] so that you avoid hyperextension in a swayback position that can cause back issues.
Generally, I wouldn’t “rule out” any types of mattress and base your choices on your own personal testing. You can read more information and suggestions about heavier weights and mattress choices.
The good news is that there are plenty of options for a good quality queen mattress within your budget range. Your challenge is to get a good fit mattress locally and with options to customize after purchase if necessary.
While your own careful testing or personal experience is the most reliable way to know whether any mattress is a good “match” for you in terms of comfort and PPP … when you can’t test a mattress in person then the most reliable source of guidance is always a more detailed phone conversation with a knowledgeable and experienced retailer or manufacturer that has your best interests at heart and who can help “talk you through” the specifics of their mattresses and the properties and “feel” of the materials they are using and the options they have available that may be the best “match” for you based on the information you provide them, They will know more about “matching” their specific mattress designs and firmness levels to different body types, sleeping positions, and preferences (or to other mattresses that they are familiar with) than anyone else.
You may want to talk with Dormio, one of our Trusted Members and like all the members here I think very highly of and consider them to be among the best in the industry and have several locations in the greater Toronto area They have customization option available for side by side layering of their latex mattress. You can also reach them through their dedicated forum here on The Mattress Underground and would happily answer any questions you may have about their products – or you may find it more worthwhile to give them, or any mattress manufacturer/retailer you’re considering, a call with your specific questions.
You may also be interested in exploring MFC (in Delta, Canada) also a mattress expert on our site which have DIY/customization options, as well as Restmore Bedding in Winnipeg who offer customization options as their products are factory direct.
If you are considering US options
SleepEZ is also one of our Trusted Members who ships to Canada. Latex Mattress Factory is designing and customizing beds for plus people as well. You may want to first start by personalizing/customizing a side by side split layered latex mattress using your and your partner’s sleeping specs right on their website (a queen, including customization options, would be within your budget!) but I’d still make sure to call them and verify your choices. Like most of our Trusted Members - also offer a discount code to TMU members which you can find on their member page. They also have a dedicated forum here on the website.
It looks like there is a bit more leg work you need to do but I commend your willingness to do this right to get a good fit durable to serve both you and your partner best for years to come.
I hope this information helps guide you in your mattress selection and I look forward to hearing an update.
Phoenix