Mattress for 2 separate sleepers

I actually have a fairly urgent challenge because my back is falling apart on me and I’m convinced that it is in correlation to the mattress. To start off it’s important to mention that my wife is a side sleeper and I’m a back sleeper. I don’t yet understand what fits my wife but I can comfortable say that firm mattress is what fits me. To give you the history ,before meeting my wife I slept on a very firm and no so expensive spring mattress, and while it was not perfect it did the job fine. When I joined my wife she had a less firmer Simmons Westview spring mattress that she was not satisfied and I enjoyed less than my much older cheaper original mattress. 3 months after I got married which was 4 months ago, I decided to splurge and go for my local store most suggested Mattress, a semi Form Dormeo 6600 which felt spectacular in the store but once I started sleeping on it caused me lower back pain. I assume because my butt sank into the bed and I did not move all night. My wife just got pregnant so its hard to tell if her shoulder got numb because the mattress or because the side affect of the pregnancy. We managed to get rid of the first mattress and we decided to give a shot with Casper which pretty much has the same affect. Both me and my wife are getting to a level that we are afraid to go to sleep, because the pain is getting worst and worst. If not for my wife I would simply get a super firm mattress but not at the expense of my wife comfort. On her side she does not know if the mattress is causing her pain or simply the fact that she need to sleep on the same side all night and she gained weight which really cause the pain. I personally don’t see why a quality mattress would not be able to compensate for the pregnancy challenges.
So here’s my dilemma, I need a mattress that will compensate my back sleeping firm mattress requirement and something that would not make the shoulder of a side sleeper numb and at this moment I’m willing to spend whatever considering that my physio is very expensive, lol.
I you can please offer my suggestion for a mattress, it would truly be appreciated.

Hi sharkman,

While I can certainly help with “how” to choose … It’s not possible to make specific suggestions or recommendations for either a mattress, manufacturers/retailers, or combinations of materials or components because the first “rule” of mattress shopping is to always remember that you are the only one that can feel what you feel on a mattress and there are too many unknowns, variables, and personal preferences involved that are unique to each person to use a formula or for anyone to be able to predict or make a specific suggestion or recommendation about which mattress or combination of materials and components or which type of mattress would be the best “match” for you in terms of “comfort”, firmness, or PPP (Posture and alignment, Pressure relief, and your own Personal preferences) or how a mattress will “feel” to you or compare to another mattress based on specs (either yours or a mattress), sleeping positions, health conditions, or “theory at a distance” that can possibly be more reliable than your own careful testing (hopefully using the testing guidelines in step 4 of the tutorial) or your own personal sleeping experience (see mattress firmness/comfort levels in post #2 here).

I’m not sure what you’ve read since you found the site but just in case you haven’t read it yet … the first place to start your research is the mattress shopping tutorial here which includes all the basic information, steps, and guidelines that can help you make the best possible choice … and perhaps more importantly know how and why to avoid the worst ones.

Two of the most important links in the tutorial that I would especially make sure you’ve read are post #2 here which has more about the different ways to choose a suitable mattress (either locally or online) that is the best “match” for you in terms of “comfort” and PPP (Posture and alignment, Pressure relief, and your own Personal preferences) that can help you assess and minimize the risks of making a choice that doesn’t turn out as well as you hoped for and post #13 here which has more about the most important parts of the “value” of a mattress purchase which can help you make more meaningful quality/value comparisons between mattresses in terms of suitability (how well you will sleep), durability (how long you will sleep well), and the overall value of a mattress compared to your other finalists based on all the parts of your personal value equation that are most important to you.

It’s not unusual at all for a couple to have different needs and preferences and here is more information in the first part of post #2 here about some of the different ways that can be used to accommodate a couple that have very different body types or different needs and preferences in a mattress and there is also more information about the pros and cons of split firmness mattresses in post #2 here that may be helpful.

If you are looking at online options then the mattress shopping tutorial includes several links to lists of many of the better online options I’m aware of (in the optional online step) that include many different types and categories of mattresses in a wide range of designs, budgets, firmness levels, and with different return/exchange policies that may be worth considering.

When you can’t test a mattress in person then the most reliable source of guidance is always a more detailed phone conversation with a knowledgeable and experienced retailer or manufacturer that has your best interests at heart and who can help “talk you through” the specifics of their mattresses and the properties and “feel” of the materials they are using (fast or slow response, resilience, firmness etc) and the options they have available that may be the best “match” for you based on the information you provide them, any local testing you have done or mattresses you have slept on and liked or other mattresses you are considering that they are familiar with, and the “averages” of other customers that are similar to you. They will know more about “matching” their specific mattress designs and firmness levels to different body types, sleeping positions, and preferences (or to other mattresses that they are familiar with) than anyone else.

If you are also considering local options that you can test in person before a purchase then if you let me know your city or zip code I’d be happy to let you know about the better options or possibilities I’m aware of in your area.

Phoenix

I hate to sound lazy, but this is quiet the overload of information and I did not manage to absorb all this. Would you be able to provide some kind of summery? Or maybe a consultant or a store that you would trust in Montreal or surrounding?

Hi sharkman,

There is a simplified summary at the end of the tutorial …

In its simplest form choosing the “best possible” mattress for any particular person (or couple) really comes down to FIRST finding a few knowledgeable and transparent retailers and/or manufacturers (either locally or online) that sell the types of mattresses that you are most interested in that are in a budget range you are comfortable with and that you have confirmed will provide you with the all the information you need about the materials and components inside the mattresses they sell so you will be able to make informed choices and meaningful comparisons between mattresses and then …

  1. Careful testing (hopefully using the testing guidelines in the tutorial) to make sure that a mattress is a good match for you in terms of “comfort”, firmness, and PPP … and/or that you are comfortable with the options you have available to return, exchange, or “fine tune” the mattress and any costs involved if you can’t test a mattress in person or aren’t confident that your mattress is a suitable choice.

  2. Checking to make sure that there are no lower quality materials or weak links in a mattress you are considering relative to your weight range that could compromise the durability and useful life of the mattress.

  3. Comparing your finalists for “value” based on #1 and #2 and all the other parts of your personal value equation that are most important to you.

The better options or possibilities I’m aware of in and around the Montreal area (subject to making sure than any mattress you consider meets the quality/value guidelines here) are listed in post #276 here.

A forum search on Montreal (you can just click the link) will also bring up more comments and feedback from other members in the area that may be helpful as well.

Phoenix

I found this site after buying our new mattress (es) - so won’t be spending much time here but wanted to let you know that we have slept 5 nights on our new Flexus Comfort dual XL twin mattresses that we have put together as a king by using a common mattress cover and topsheet. Husband is 6’3", 180 and no curves, all muscle, likes really firm bed and has 4 layers - xfirm, xfirm, med, soft latex and I am 5’10" 175 and quite curvy, like something that absorbs my shape and have 4 layers - firm, firm, med, soft. Each bed is wrapped by an organic cotton enclosure with cotton/wool top. We absolutely love this bed and it meets our individual needs. Don’t even notice the “divide”, but we each have our comfort. Am also going to add twin size individual wool duvets so we don’t pull the covers off each other…

Hi Wavelady,

Thanks for taking the time to let us know what you ended up deciding and for sharing your comments and feedback … and congratulations on your new mattress :slight_smile:

As you know you certainly made a great quality/value choice and it’s great to hear that your split king mattress is working out well for you.

Phoenix