Mattress quandary in Minneapolis

[phoenix]

Hi bonepetit,

I’m not sure what you’ve read since you found the site but just in case you haven’t read it yet … the first place to start your research is the mattress shopping tutorial here which includes all the basic information, steps, and guidelines that can help you make the best possible choice … and perhaps more importantly know how and why to avoid the worst ones.

Two of the most important links in the tutorial that I would especially make sure you’ve read are post #2 here which has more about the different ways to choose a suitable mattress (either locally or online) that is the best “match” for you in terms of “comfort”, firmness, and PPP (Posture and alignment, Pressure relief, and your own Personal preferences) that can help you assess and minimize the risks of making a choice that doesn’t turn out as well as you hoped for and post #13 here which has more about the most important parts of the “value” of a mattress purchase which can help you make more meaningful quality/value comparisons between mattresses in terms of suitability (how well you will sleep), durability (how long you will sleep well), and the overall value of a mattress compared to your other finalists based on all the parts of your personal value equation that are most important to you.

Outside of PPP (which is the most important part of the “value” of a mattress purchase), the next most important part of the value of a mattress purchase is durability which is all about how long you will sleep well on a mattress. This is the part of your research that you can’t see or “feel” and assessing the durability and useful life of a mattress depends on knowing the specifics of its construction and the type and quality/durability of the materials inside it (see this article) regardless of the name of the manufacturer on the label (or how a mattress feels in a showroom or when it is relatively new).

After studying this and other sites - I am really worried that there will be no solution for us as a couple. My husband is a 6’6" fireman with no body fat and a preference for a firm mattress. During mattress trials in the stores, what he “liked” I found very firm and uncomfortable. Ones I liked (even generously only trying the medium firm mattresses to compromise) he thought felt “soft”
I am 5’3", 130 and more generously padded than he. Based on your tutorial - I suspect he is a bit brain-washed (since he has back pain) to thinking unless a mattress feels like a bed of nails in the store, he will continue to have back pain. I’m not sure how to get him to accept that the space filling of a comfort layer does not mean the mattress is soft or unsupportive.

You may have already read this already as well but it may give you some information that you can pass along to your husband.

“Support” is often misunderstood because the goal of a “supportive” mattress is to keep the spine and joints in good alignment and this requires the type of contouring support that allows some parts of the body to sink in more (softer) and some parts of the body to sink in less (firmer) and this will vary on an individual basis based on body type and sleeping style. There is more about primary or “deep” support and secondary or “surface” support and their relationship to firmness and pressure relief and the “roles” of different layers in a mattress in post #2 here and in post #4 here that may also be helpful in clarifying the difference between “support/alignment” and “comfort/pressure relief” and “feel” and how they interact together.

It’s not unusual at all for a couple to have different needs and preferences and here is more information in the first part of post #2 here about some of the different ways that can be used to accommodate a couple that have very different body types or different needs and preferences in a mattress and there is also more information about the pros and cons of split firmness mattresses in post #2 here that may be helpful.

I’m inclined to think we need a mattress comprised of a high ILD natural latex for support with a softer Latex layer on top for comfort.
Figuring out what numbers and what thickness — I’m not sure how to do that. You are certainly right that the mattress salesmen we’ve met have no idea how to direct us.

One of the most effective “shortcuts” that can help cut through much of the confusion when you are buying a mattress is to focus first on finding and dealing with knowledgeable and experienced retailers and/or manufacturers that have your best interests at heart (and aren’t just interested in selling you anything that they can convince you to buy) before you begin to research which specific mattresses you are most interested in. These are the ones that already know what you would otherwise need to learn (including the information in many of the links I listed) and understand the importance of choosing a mattress that is a good “match” for you in terms of comfort, firmness, and PPP and knowing what is inside any mattress that you are considering so you can make sure that there are no lower quality materials or weak links in a mattress you are considering that would be a reason for concern in terms of durability. They can provide you with the type of information and guidance that can help you make the best possible choice. Who you choose to deal with can be one of the most important parts of a successful mattress purchase.

There are really only two ways to know whether a mattress is a good “match” for either one or both of you which is either careful testing (hopefully using the testing guidelines in step 4 of the tutorial) or your own personal experience when you sleep on the mattress.

If you are also considering online options and you can’t test a mattress in person then the most reliable source of guidance is always a more detailed phone conversation with a knowledgeable and experienced retailer or manufacturer that has your best interests at heart and who can help “talk you through” the specifics of their mattresses and the properties and “feel” of the materials they are using (fast or slow response, resilience, firmness etc) and the options they have available that may be the best “match” for you based on the information you provide them, any local testing you have done or mattresses you have slept on and liked or other mattresses you are considering that they are familiar with, and the “averages” of other customers that are similar to you. They will know more about “matching” their specific mattress designs and firmness levels to different body types, sleeping positions, and preferences (or to other mattresses that they are familiar with) than anyone else.

I guess I’m not opposed to coils for support - nor am I opposed to a different material for comfort. I’m sort of stuck —— is there some place I can plug in my preferences for general firmness and materials to see
what mattresses are recommended to at least try?

Assuming that the materials in a mattress you are considering are durable enough for your body type and meet the quality/durability guidelines here relative to your weight range … the choice between different types and combinations of materials and components or different types of mattresses are more of a preference and a budget choice than a “better/worse” choice (see this article). The best way to know which type of materials or which type of mattresses you tend to prefer in general terms will be based on your own testing and personal experience because different people can have very different preferences.

While I can certainly help with “how” to choose … It’s not possible to make specific suggestions or recommendations for either a mattress, manufacturers/retailers, or combinations of materials or components because the first “rule” of mattress shopping is to always remember that you are the only one that can feel what you feel on a mattress and there are too many unknowns, variables, and personal preferences involved that are unique to each person to use a formula or for anyone to be able to predict or make a specific suggestion or recommendation about which mattress or combination of materials and components or which type of mattress would be the best “match” for you in terms of “comfort”, firmness, or PPP or how a mattress will “feel” to you or compare to another mattress based on specs (either yours or a mattress), sleeping positions, health conditions, or “theory at a distance” that can possibly be more reliable than your own careful testing (hopefully using the testing guidelines in step 4 of the tutorial) or your own personal sleeping experience (see mattress firmness/comfort levels in post #2 here).

I or some of the more knowledgeable members of the site can help you to narrow down your options, help you focus on better quality/value choices that are available to you either locally or online, help you identify any lower quality materials or weak links in a mattress, act as a fact check, answer many of the specific questions you may have along the way that don’t involve what you will “feel” on a mattress, and help with “how” to choose but only you can decide which specific mattress, manufacturer, or combination of materials is “best for you” regardless of the name of the manufacturer on the label or whether anyone else (including me) would have the same criteria or circumstances or would make the same choice.

Unfortunately nobody has a crystal ball that can predict which specific mattress or combination of materials you will like best or that you will sleep best on with any certainty based on specs or “theory at a distance” and I would be very skeptical of anyone who claims that they do. It just doesn’t exist.

Mattress quandary in Minneapolis

Subject to confirming that any retailer or manufacturer on the list you wish to deal with is completely transparent (see this article) and to making sure that any mattress you are considering meets the quality/value guidelines I linked earlier in this reply … the better options or possibilities I’m aware of in and around the Minneapolis/St Paul area are listed in post #2 here.

In its simplest form choosing the “best possible” mattress for any particular person really comes down to FIRST finding a few knowledgeable and transparent retailers and/or manufacturers (either locally or online) that sell the types of mattresses that you are most interested in that are in a budget range you are comfortable with and that you have confirmed will provide you with the all the information you need about the materials and components inside the mattresses they sell so you will be able to make informed choices and meaningful comparisons between mattresses and then …

1. Careful testing (hopefully using the testing guidelines in the tutorial) to make sure that a mattress is a good match for you in terms of “comfort”, firmness, and PPP … and/or that you are comfortable with the options you have available to return, exchange, or “fine tune” the mattress and any costs involved if you can’t test a mattress in person or aren’t confident that your mattress is a suitable choice.

2. Checking to make sure that there are no lower quality materials or weak links in a mattress you are considering relative to your weight range that could compromise the durability and useful life of the mattress.

3. Comparing your finalists for “value” based on #1 and #2 and all the other parts of your personal value equation that are most important to you.

Phoenix