Hi granby,
I have a DIY latex build complete with a talalay topper and it is impossible to sleep on. It has been almost two years and I have resorted to sleeping up on a wedge pillow to not put my entire body down on the bed. The thing destroys my upper, mid, and lower back.
Sorry to hear you are having so much difficulty with your mattress. As you probably know, any mattress you choose will be unique to you based on your Stats (height, BMI, sleeping position(s) and any underlying health conditions) and your PPP (Posture & alignment, Pressure relief, and Personal preferences).
previously have loved the feeling of memory foam and maybe I need to try a high quality dense memory foam topper.
Latex and memory foam have very different ‘feels’. Memory foam of insufficient density can break down prematurely, leaving ‘ruts’ or ‘divots’ which can cause aches, pains and even alignment issues. If you want to switch to foam, we suggest any foam in a potential mattress has no more than an inch or so of lower grade foams (for memory foam no lower than 4 lbs/cuft for normal range weights, and 5lbs/cuft for higher range weights) and if polyfoam is used, with at least 1.8 lbs/cuft density, just to ensure you have support.
I know from your posts in October that you have been having issues finding the right comfort levels with your latex mattress…have you tried just laying on the individual layers on the floor to see if you can identify the issue? It’s possible you are ‘bottoming out’ the soft talalay topper and resting on the firmer lower layer. When does pain occur? During the night or in the morning? Do the pains decrease during the day?
It seems I need a 4 or 5 pound density. The 4 is described as medium support while the 5 is soft support
A dense foam topper could potentially be a solution, and you should go with a 5lbs/cuft density for your slightly higher BMI. As you are mostly a back sleeper, your weight is more evenly distributed than a primarily side sleeper. The density of memory foam is the single biggest factor in its durability but any density of memory foam can be made in firmer or softer versions. Having said that, lower density memory foam will often (but not always) tend to feel softer for most people and in most conditions than higher density memory foam.
You can read more from @Phoenix on the properties of memory foam here; Also
keep in mind the Mattress Specifications You Need To Know and compare to the Mattress Durability Guidelines to see how durable foams are compared to latex.
Also it’s worth taking a look at your bed base…is there any sagging on the bottom? Does the base provide adequate support across the whole mattress? A DIY Latex mattress can be ultimately rewarding in the ability to ‘super fine tune’ your comfort levels, but it’s’ not unusual to have to spend time and effort switching layers around to find the right comfort fit. Trying a dense memory foam topper rather than the soft talalay will give you the full range of firm, medium firm and soft talalay. The Foambymail 5lb memory foam topper is given an ILD of 12, and there is also a 60 day return window - though you should familiarize yourself with the conditions of the warranty to minimize the chance of being stuck with a topper which turns out to be too uncomfortable for your liking.
Several of the Trusted Members of the site like Luma Sleep carries a Hybrid Latex/Memory Foam topper and Mattress To Go has a 2.5" Gel Memory Foam Topper you may be interested in, and though MFC is located in Canada, they also have a variety of foam toppers as well which may be of interest.
Hopefully some of the many DIY Enthusiasts here on the forum can also weigh in with their experiences.
~ Basilio