New Person, Old Problem (in several ways)

[SixGables]

Hello, mattress people! I am blessing and cursing the friend that directed me here. On the one hand, I haven’t purchased a terrible mattress, but on the other hand, I haven’t purchased a mattress at all because now I’m paralyzed (and not just from sleeping on an old mattress)! I’ve spent hours here at TMU and I feel like I have *more questions than when I started. So I throw myself on the mercy of the community:

I must, reluctantly, replace my beloved Tempurpedic. My husband and I have been happily sleeping on it for 24 years, but I’m waking up sore most days now. I recognize that part of that may be that I’m now 53 instead of 29, but yeah, that’s probably as long as I can expect to get out of a mattress. It was, of course, the Classic style, from back when your only choice was size.

here’s what we loved about it:

1. complete motion isolation–We have a King sized bed. We tend to go to bed at different times and are both increasingly delicate sleepers as we age. Not waking the other when getting into bed or turning around is crucial.
2. The feel of the foam. When I’ve gotten beds for my kids, the foam seems soupy, too sink-y. When I just reach down to touch my TP, it’s like wet sand, it doesn’t give unless you press. Otherwise it feels solid. On cold nights, it’s like a slab until my body warms it.
3. Not hot. I read about people finding foam “hot” and as a menopausal woman, I assure you I know about temperature fluctuations, but this TP never felt hot to me. But I definitely want to avoid anything that does.

We are a 6 ft, 280 lb man and a 5’6" 170 lb woman. Both primarily back sleepers with occasional rolls onto the side. I am prone to back pain. Currently, I’m waking up sore in the big, ropy muscles mid-back.

I started out hoping to figure out what synthetic foam was going to best replicate that classic Tempurpedic. I’ve since decided “No, it’s Latex I want!” and then “Maybe just a wool mattress!” Maybe latex topped with wool? It’s all confounded, of course by the pandemic, so that I cannot try anything out, so that my choice needs to be something that will not leave me trying to wrestle a kind sized mattress into my car to return it. My current feeling is that I’m going to need to choose a company or two or three to call and talk to reps, but I need to get zero-ed in on what to look for.

Final consideration that occurred to me–given our ages, we maybe shouldn’t be seeking the same glorious slab of a mattress that suited us as 30 year olds. MAybe we need a bit more give (while still having complete motion isolation).

So, oh wise ones, what questions do I need to be answering? Where should I turn my attentions?
Thank you all SO much for this place, it is an over-analyzer’s dream!

[Mr_yabo]

King size mattresses in general are heavy so maybe only look at companies that will retrieve a return for you so you don’t have to worry about moving it yourself. Also you may want to consider 2 twin xl’s or a split king as it’s called. I know it’s a little more expensive that way but you don’t have to worry about motion disturbance from your partner. Twin xls are also much easier to rotate and flip if needed and if you decide to get 2 twin xl adjustable bases it’s really a game changer IMO.

[SixGables]

Good point! I’d considered two mattresses just so we’d each get what we wanted, but hadn’t though that it’s a guarantee of motion isolation.

[Sensei]

Hey SixGables,

Welcome to the Mattress Underground ! Thanks for your question.

Hello, mattress people! I am blessing and cursing the friend that directed me here. On the one hand, I haven’t purchased a terrible mattress, but on the other hand, I haven’t purchased a mattress at all because now I’m paralyzed (and not just from sleeping on an old mattress)! I’ve spent hours here at TMU and I feel like I have *more questions than when I started. So I throw myself on the mercy of the community:

Congrats on your new mattress shopping journey ! With the time you are putting into your research here on the forum, you are likely finding the amount of information available somewhat overwhelming at times. The moderators and trusted members are here to help you sort through your questions and help guide you down the path to better sleep.

I must, reluctantly, replace my beloved Tempurpedic. My husband and I have been happily sleeping on it for 24 years, but I’m waking up sore most days now. I recognize that part of that may be that I’m now 53 instead of 29, but yeah, that’s probably as long as I can expect to get out of a mattress. It was, of course, the Classic style, from back when your only choice was size.

24 years of service from your loyal Tempurpedic is quite impressive, SixGables! When a mattress has been part of your lives for that many years, saying goodbye can be difficult but necessary once a change of support or comfort leads to pressure point issues. I’m sorry to hear that you are regularly waking up with soreness most days but hopefully that will improve once you find your new mattress.

here’s what we loved about it:

1. complete motion isolation–We have a King sized bed. We tend to go to bed at different times and are both increasingly delicate sleepers as we age. Not waking the other when getting into bed or turning around is crucial.
2. The feel of the foam. When I’ve gotten beds for my kids, the foam seems soupy, too sink-y. When I just reach down to touch my TP, it’s like wet sand, it doesn’t give unless you press. Otherwise it feels solid. On cold nights, it’s like a slab until my body warms it.
3. Not hot. I read about people finding foam “hot” and as a menopausal woman, I assure you I know about temperature fluctuations, but this TP never felt hot to me. But I definitely want to avoid anything that does.

You have done an excellent job of detailing your comfort and support preferences, SixGables. These discussion points will be useful when you have conversations with manufacturers regarding what materials, components and constructions would be best suited for you and your husband. You may find Phoenix’s "Five Steps to Your Perfect Mattress"a good read for more thoughts on how to narrow down options.

We are a 6 ft, 280 lb man and a 5’6" 170 lb woman. Both primarily back sleepers with occasional rolls onto the side. I am prone to back pain. Currently, I’m waking up sore in the big, ropy muscles mid-back.

Thanks for including your personal statistics, as your BMI, body profile and sleep positions all play a role in choosing the types of materials and construction for proper comfort and support, as well as long-term durability. The different sleeping positions are part of what determines how deep a cradle you need and how thick the comfort layer should be. In turn, this affects the type of support layers that will be appropriate. With a back sleeping position, a slightly shallower cradle is needed as this is a slightly less curvy profile than side sleeping. The “gap” that needs to be filled in with the comfort layer for pressure relief is generally the small of the back (the lumbar area) and because the “gaps” in your profile are not quite as deep as in side sleeping, a slightly thinner top layer will generally work a little better.

[quote]
I started out hoping to figure out what synthetic foam was going to best replicate that classic Tempurpedic. I’ve since decided “No, it’s Latex I want!” and then “Maybe just a wool mattress!” Maybe latex topped with wool? It’s all confounded, of course by the pandemic, so that I cannot try anything out, so that my choice needs to be something that will not leave me trying to wrestle a kind sized mattress into my car to return it. My current feeling is that I’m going to need to choose a company or two or three to call and talk to reps, but I need to get zero-ed in on what to look for
[/quote].

Store visits, while not ideal given the current pandemic crisis, are really the only reliable method for determining the “feel” of different mattress constructions. You may find phone calls to mattress manufacturers of interest the next best thing to site testing, this checklistoffers informational points you can use for guidance. You can also use the “Ask an Expert” forum to pose questions directly to the TMU trusted members. Some manufacturers offer small product samples for free or for a small fee; if you have doubts as to what a particular component may “feel” like, you may ask if a small material sample is available for shipping.

Final consideration that occurred to me–given our ages, we maybe shouldn’t be seeking the same glorious slab of a mattress that suited us as 30 year olds. MAybe we need a bit more give (while still having complete motion isolation).

As our bodies age and change, so will its needs for proper comfort and support. The support core of a mattress is responsible for proper spinal alignment, while the comfort layers provide pressure relief and temperature regulation. You may find this comparison of the different types of mattresseshelpful for comparing in a general way which combinations of comfort and support offer the qualities that best match your preferences.

So, oh wise ones, what questions do I need to be answering? Where should I turn my attentions?

After you’ve had time to review the many links in the responses above, other questions you may consider would be on the post-purchase side. Nearly all manufacturers offer Q & A tools such as live chat, email and phone consultations. What is the return policy? Is there a sleep trial period and if so, how long? Do they offer comfort exchanges? If natural/ organic is a concern, what are the product certifications? What are the warranty details? Will the mattress require a certain type foundation or will your current one work? This isn’t an exhaustive list but gives a general idea.

Thank you all SO much for this place, it is an over-analyzer’s dream!

Thanks SixGables for your kind words on the site, they are much appreciated! Hope this helps generate more thought starters for your research and good luck .

Sensei

[SixGables]

Thank you! I’ve read the links and have now posed questions to a couple of the latex mattress producers from the TMU list. I increasingly think we should go with two Twin XLs since my husband and I are such different weights (or with a split King like Sleep EZ makes). Since we’ll be doing all of our choosing over the phone or online, I want us to be able to have maximum flexibility.

[Sensei]

Hey SixGables,

Thanks for your updates and reply .

[quote]Thank you! I’ve read the links and have now posed questions to a couple of the latex mattress producers from the TMU list. I increasingly think we should go with two Twin XLs since my husband and I are such different weights (or with a split King like Sleep EZ makes). Since we’ll be doing all of our choosing over the phone or online, I want us to be able to have maximum flexibility.
[/quote]

Thanks for considering one of our trusted membersfor your mattress purchase! I did see that you had Qs for several of them and met TMU moderator Nikki as well (thanks @Nikki for your excellent consumer support response ) . You have done a solid job of narrowing down yours and your husband’s preferences (one of the more difficult challenges in the process); now with the expertise and knowledge of the trusted members involved, making choices should be the exciting part. A split king should be a good configuration, given the differences in both your weights and preference for motion isolation. Good luck with your calls and update us when you can .

Thanks,
Sensei

[Mattrebuild]

SixGables, it’s always hard to replace something that has served you so well for decades. From what I understand you are looking for motion isolation and a wet sand feel. I definitely thinking going with 2 separate twin XL beds will help alot with motion isolation (also helps when you need to change layers, king sized comfort layers are very heavy and awkward). I’m not totally sure you will get that wet sand feel from latex. It has a very springy/bouncy feel to it versus memory foam which completely deadens the movement. There is also something called Serene foam which is halfway between see the video below.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_DVStVNEAE8 (starts around the 0:40 mark)

You may need to try out a few beds with each type of material to know what you really want out of it in terms of feel. All can be built to provide good support for higher BMI folks but if you have a very specific preference for how the sleeping surface interacts with you then it’s important to know that before you get too far into it.

[SixGables]

Thank you! I’m now swinging back to Memory Foam, but I really need to figure out what words I need to know what I’m looking for, since I really, really want to avoid that stuff that’s all squishy on top, lol.

[SixGables]

In case some one with the same issues is reading this thread, I’ll update: I have ordered two Twin XL Titan (by Brooklyn Bedding) mattresses. Titan is made especially for heavier people (husband is 280 ish) and I figure with the twins, if one or other of us decides it’s just the wrong mattress and the other likes it…well, we can each have what we like. But I really needed to just take action, so I got us the same thing to start. I’ll report back on how it goes!