Hi rgshapiro.
Welcome to our Mattress Forum! 
[quote] We ordered the novosbed in soft. We have been sleeping on it for about 10 days now. I find it hard, though not as hard as the casper, and some mornings my shoulder and neck hurt. (I sleep on. my side, I am 5’6", 135 lbs.) Novosbed says it can take 30-60 days for the memory foam to soften up and after 30 days they can also send us a comfort layer. Is this true? Will it soften up?
Or do we need to try another mattress and if so what? Thanks! [/quote]
This is correct… memory foam, will soften somewhat over time, but there will always be a period of retrogression where you lose some of your “learned alignment” to your old mattress combined with a break in and adjustment period for any new mattress or sleeping system as the mattress loses any of its “false firmness” and the cover stretches and loosens a little and your body gets used to a sleeping surface that is different from what it is used to (see post #3 here). This would typically be a few weeks but it can be shorter or longer depending on the specifics of the person and the mattress.
I would definitely agree that you need to take more time adjusting to the new mattress, and hopefully as time moves on you’ll lose more of your previous “learned alignment” and the mattress will also lose more of its “false firmness”.
One thing that you may wish to investigate right now is your pillow. Issues in the upper back with a new mattress and the shoulder area are commonly the result of using a pillow that may have worked for on old mattress, but with the way you sink into the new mattress may be different and require a pillow that is thicker or thinner than your old one to maintain a more neutral alignment.
I would combine the pillow analysis along with attempting to get used to your new mattress, If after the break in period in combination with the pillow you find that you still have pressure point and neck issues then a comfort layer added on top of your mattress is usually the next step in fine tuning your system and getting it adjusted to suit your needs.
Finally only you will be able to determine whether your mattress will soften enough to your liking in the time frame you are willing to accept. As you chose something from Novosbed one of TMU’s Trusted Members you are in good hands and you can have confidence that they will work with you to find a solution if your initial purchase after the adjustment period is still too firm and does not meet your needs. You also did make a good choice of selecting a product that does have a good return policy.
If after all adjustments and fine tuning this still does not work and you do decide to return it, then I would begin your mattress shopping process again, starting with the guidelines in the mattress shopping tutorial. If you have questions at that time, we can revisit your specific needs, but I wouldn’t want to focus on that right now, and instead give your current mattress a more complete testing.
I hope this gives a good idea of how to move forward.
I would be interested to find how things progressed for you.
Phoenix