overwhelmed and frustrated - please help me find a suitable mattress

So I’ve tried to avoid asking for an explicit recommendation, but after researching for what feels like an eternity, spending hours in mattress stores laying on things, buying the wrong mattresses too many times, and my poor back not liking me anymore, I’m reaching out for help.

Phoenix, you seem like the nicest person in the world for helping all of us so much. You’ve provided a wealth of information through your general information pages and helpful replies to inquiries. I’m just exhausted though from not having a good night’s sleep in so long and from searching for the right mattress. I’d respectfully like to request your help finding the correct mattress.

I need a twin mattress (with matching box spring if required for the mattress to function, or I have a suitable platform if box spring is not required).

My physical specs: female, 5’1", 111 pounds, hourglass shape (natural waist in the mid 20s, hips/shoulders in the mid to upper 30s - those are in inches). I have low-back pain that showed up about a year ago and refuses to go away. I suspect it’s in large part due to sitting and sleeping surfaces. I’m trying to tackle the sleeping surface issue now. I get a reasonable amount of physical activity most days (not an athlete by any stretch, but not a couch potato - get in a morning workout most days and pepper in walking and stairs wherever I can throughout the day)

Sleep preferences: typically side or sometimes back, and I enjoy a soft/cushy feel, but it seems like the ones that let my hips/shoulders sink in enough to feel nice tend to outright droop, so rather than a conforming cradle, I’m sunk in all over - yet firmer causes pain to my hips/shoulders and my natural waist drops out of alignment then too, I also prefer moderately springy (this has a wide range of acceptable, but a solid block of memory foam doesn’t seem to suit me) and need highly responsive conformability.

I don’t have a preference of buying from a store or the web. I guess wherever I can find a mattress that will conform to me properly, without drooping down all over, that’s reasonably priced, is the right place for me.

I can’t seem to tell which mattress will suit me well, nor can I figure out where to buy it. After hours upon hours of reading and shopping, I feel more lost than ever. The last few mattress purchases have been a disaster, so I’m terrified to make this decision again. Please provide some choices of what to purchase and from where. Thanks so much.

(oh, my geographical location is Western New York - one of the suburbs of Buffalo)

Hi jcat_3,

While I can certainly help with “how” to choose … It’s not possible to make specific suggestions or recommendations for either a mattress, manufacturers/retailers, or combinations of materials or components because the first “rule” of mattress shopping is to always remember that you are the only one that can feel what you feel on a mattress and there are too many unknowns, variables, and personal preferences involved that are unique to each person to use a formula or for anyone to be able to predict or make a specific suggestion or recommendation about which mattress or combination of materials and components or which type of mattress would be the best “match” for you in terms of “comfort”, firmness, or PPP (Posture and alignment, Pressure relief, and your own Personal preferences) or how a mattress will “feel” to you or compare to another mattress based on specs (either yours or a mattress), sleeping positions, health conditions, or “theory at a distance” that can possibly be more reliable than your own careful testing (hopefully using the testing guidelines in step 4 of the tutorial) or your own personal sleeping experience (see mattress firmness/comfort levels in post #2 here).

I’m not sure what you’ve read since you found the site but just in case you haven’t read it yet … the first place to start your research is the mattress shopping tutorial here which includes all the basic information, steps, and guidelines that can help you make the best possible choice … and perhaps more importantly know how and why to avoid the worst ones.

Two of the most important links in the tutorial that I would especially make sure you’ve read are post #2 here which has more about the different ways to choose a suitable mattress (either locally or online) that is the best “match” for you in terms of “comfort” and PPP that can help you assess and minimize the risks of making a choice that doesn’t turn out as well as you hoped for and post #13 here which has more about the most important parts of the “value” of a mattress purchase which can help you make more meaningful quality/value comparisons between mattresses in terms of suitability (how well you will sleep), durability (how long you will sleep well), and the overall value of a mattress compared to your other finalists based on all the parts of your personal value equation that are most important to you.

I or some of the more knowledgeable members of the site can help you to narrow down your options, help you focus on better quality/value choices that are available to you either locally or online, help you identify any lower quality materials or weak links in a mattress, act as a fact check, answer many of the specific questions you may have along the way that don’t involve what you will “feel” on a mattress, and help with “how” to choose but only you can decide which specific mattress, manufacturer, or combination of materials is “best for you” regardless of the name of the manufacturer on the label or whether anyone else (including me) would have the same criteria or circumstances or would make the same choice.

Unfortunately nobody has a crystal ball that can predict which specific mattress or combination of materials you will like best or that you will sleep best on with any certainty based on specs or “theory at a distance” and I would be very skeptical of anyone who claims that they do. It just doesn’t exist.

One of the most effective “shortcuts” that can help cut through much of the confusion when you are buying a mattress is to focus first on finding and dealing with knowledgeable and experienced retailers and/or manufacturers that have your best interests at heart (and aren’t just interested in selling you anything that they can convince you to buy) before you begin to research which specific mattresses you are most interested in. These are the ones that already know what you would otherwise need to learn (including the information in many of the links I listed) and understand the importance of choosing a mattress that is a good “match” for you in terms of comfort, firmness, and PPP and knowing what is inside any mattress that you are considering so you can make sure that there are no lower quality materials or weak links in a mattress that would be a reason for concern in terms of durability. They can provide you with the type of information and guidance that can help you greatly increase the odds of making the best possible choice. The knowledge, experience, and guidance of who you choose to deal with can be one of the most important parts of a successful mattress purchase.

Subject to first confirming that any retailer or manufacturer on the list you wish to deal with is completely transparent (see this article) and to making sure that any mattress you are considering meets the quality/value guidelines here … the better options or possibilities I’m aware of in and around the Buffalo, NY area are listed in post #29 here.

If you are also interested in continuing to try online choices then the mattress shopping tutorial includes several links to lists of many of the better online options I’m aware of (in the optional online step) that include many different types and categories of mattresses that use different materials and components in a wide range of designs, budgets, firmness levels, and with different return/exchange policies that would be well worth considering.

When you can’t test a mattress in person then the most reliable source of guidance is always a more detailed phone conversation with a knowledgeable and experienced retailer or manufacturer that has your best interests at heart and who can help “talk you through” the specifics of their mattresses and the properties and “feel” of the materials they are using (fast or slow response, resilience, firmness etc) and the options they have available that may be the best “match” for you based on the information you provide them, any local testing you have done or mattresses you have slept on and liked or other mattresses you are considering that they are familiar with, and the “averages” of other customers that are similar to you. They will know more about “matching” their specific mattress designs and firmness levels to different body types, sleeping positions, and preferences (or to other mattresses that they are familiar with) than anyone else.

Of course I would also keep in mind that you may be “outside the averages” that their suggestions and recommendations are based on so when you have already had several unsuccessful choices then the options you have after a purchase to return or exchange the mattress would be an even more important part of your personal value equation because you won’t know for certain whether the mattress you purchased will be a good “match” for you in terms of “comfort”, firmness, and PPP or how well you will sleep on it until you have actually slept on it.

In its simplest form choosing the “best possible” mattress for any particular person really comes down to FIRST finding a few knowledgeable and transparent retailers and/or manufacturers (either locally or online) that sell the types of mattresses that you are most interested in that are in a budget range you are comfortable with and that you have confirmed will provide you with the all the information you need about the materials and components inside the mattresses they sell so you will be able to make informed choices and meaningful comparisons between mattresses and then …

  1. Careful testing (hopefully using the testing guidelines in the tutorial) to make sure that a mattress is a good match for you in terms of “comfort”, firmness, and PPP … and/or that you are comfortable with the options you have available to return, exchange, or “fine tune” the mattress and any costs involved if you can’t test a mattress in person or aren’t confident that your mattress is a suitable choice.

  2. Checking to make sure that there are no lower quality materials or weak links in a mattress you are considering relative to your weight range that could compromise the durability and useful life of the mattress.

  3. Comparing your finalists for “value” based on #1 and #2 and all the other parts of your personal value equation that are most important to you.

Phoenix

Hi Phoenix,

I’ve read through all of the overviews, the mattress shopping tutorial, about half of the detail pages, and some of the linked forum content. Thank you for the link to stores in my area. I’ve been to City Mattress a couple of times already, and although their staff are friendly and polite, I took issue with the pricing games they tried to play with me (five different stories about the price of the mattress I was interested in - sorry, no thanks).

Since you’re unable to provide me with any suggestions of what type of mattress might be suitable for my size, shape, and preferences, I’m going to try visiting Jamestown Mattress (also on your list for my area). While I didn’t think you would explicitly say buy the ‘XYZ brand’ from the ‘ABC store’, I was at least hoping for some guidance on materials that conform best to a curvy shape and a lighter weight. Hopefully the folks at Jamestown Mattress will be able to help me, as I’m really at my wits end with all of this, and exhausted from lack of sleep on the miserable excuse for a mattress I’m trying to replace.

One good thing that came out of my many hours on your website… out of frustration, I was about to buy the Serta iComfort Hybrid Applause II Plush (just to be DONE with mattress shopping) until I discovered in one of the forums the specifications for it - weak links all over it - low quality foam over thin guage coils. Whew, glad I side-stepped what would have been yet another bad mattress purchase :ohmy: So thanks for helping me become a more savvy shopper. Maybe I’ll quit working in IT and become a mattress sales person, LOL

Hi jcat_3,

Assuming that the materials in a mattress you are considering are durable enough for your body type and meet the quality/durability guidelines here relative to your weight range … the choice between different types and combinations of materials and components or different types of mattresses are more of a preference and a budget choice than a “better/worse” choice (see this article).

If you are in a lighter weight range with a more curvy shape and especially if you sleep on your side then you would probably tend to do better with mattresses that are in a softer range with thicker/softer comfort layers that will allow you to sink into the mattress more easily to relieve pressure points and to “fill in” the gaps in your sleeping profile (such as the waist) than someone that is in a higher weight range that will tend to sink into firmer materials more deeply.

While it’s probably more than you “need to know” … there is more about primary or “deep” support and secondary or “surface” support and their relationship to firmness and pressure relief and the “roles” of different layers in a mattress in post #2 here and in post #4 here that may also be helpful in clarifying the difference between “support/alignment” and “comfort/pressure relief” and “feel” and how they interact together.

While I can certainly understand the desire for someone else to make the choice for you or to make specific recommendations and I wish it was possible based on some type of “formula” … unfortunately it’s not and the only way to know for certain whether any mattress will be a suitable choice in terms of comfort, firmness, and PPP will be based on your own careful testing (hopefully using the testing guidelines in the tutorial) or your own personal experience because you are the only one that can feel what you feel on a mattress.

As sad as it may be … most of the members here that have spent a couple of hours or more on this site will probably know more about mattresses and mattress materials than most of the salespeople in the mainstream industry that sell them :unsure: .

Phoenix