Hi kmiller,
The first place I would start your research is the mattress shopping tutorial here which includes all the basic information, steps, and guidelines that can help you make the best possible choice … and know how and why to avoid the worst ones.
A headboard is just an accessory that you can use with the bedframe that you choose so there really wouldn’t be any reason to give it up.
You are the only one that can feel what you feel on a mattress and there are too many unknowns, variables, and personal preferences involved for anyone to be able to predict or make a specific suggestion or recommendation about which mattress would be the best “match” for you in terms of PPP (Posture and alignment, Pressure relief, and Personal preferences) based on specs (either yours or a mattress) or “theory at a distance” that can possibly be more accurate than your own personal testing or sleeping experience (see mattress firmness/comfort levels in post #2 here).
I would agree with you that Hotel mattresses are among the worst choices you could make (see post #3 here).
There is more about the different ways to choose a suitable mattress that is the best “match” for you in terms of PPP (Posture and alignment, Pressure relief, and Personal preferences) in post #2 here that can help you assess and minimize the risks of making a choice that doesn’t turn out as well as you hoped for that are involved in each of them.
There is also more about the most important parts of the value of a mattress purchase in post #13 here which can help you make more meaningful quality/value comparisons between mattresses in terms of suitability, durability, and value.
As you probably know SleepEZ is one of the members of this site which means I think very highly of them and I believe they compete well with the best in the industry in terms of their quality, value, service, and transparency and they would be well worth considering if you are open to an online purchase.
The better options and possibilities I’m aware of in and around the Lexington, KY area (subject to the quality/value guidelines I linked) are listed at the end of post #3 here.
Phoenix