My partner and I can’t agree on what kind of mattress we need. He is twice my size and does not have chronic back pain issues. We are both primarily side sleepers, back sometimes.
He describes our current 5-year-old Casper as “soft” and loves it, but to me it has always felt like a pallet of bricks. Over the last year or so the divot he makes has gotten worse, so recently I started looking for a new mattress.
Last month we ordered a 9" latex mattress from Sleeping Organic and he HATED it. We moved the layers around and even took the cover off, but in the end he was never really comfortable. He wanted to be “in” the mattress so he liked having a Talalay XS (14-18ILD) on top, but I don’t think he was getting enough support because even with firmer layers he was still hammocking - his hips were lower than his shoulders. He said that it was “too hard” even when he slept on ultra plush comfort layers (talalay xs/dunlop soft/dunlop firm), and then would say he didn’t know what was wrong with it. I think with time we could have gotten the latex dialed in, but the 45-day return period was looming and he panicked. So last night, we packed it up to send back, and we moved the Casper out of the guest room and back into ours. After sleeping on the Casper again, I feel like I got hit by a truck.
Because of this experience my partner is adamantly against latex now, but I chose latex specifically for its longevity and durability, and because it’s a natural material. I especially liked that there was so little motion transfer, as my partner can be restless and I’m very a light sleeper.
A split layer mattress is apparently a must since we seem to have completely different ideas about what is comfortable. I’m small, but I do need good support as well as pressure point relief. He is kindof a big dude that likes to feel “in” the mattress, but he also needs something that will hold him up without feeling too firm. Should we just be sleeping in separate beds at this point? Where do we go from here/what do I try next?
Another thing I can’t quite get my head around is the idea that our bodies have to “learn” how to be comfortable on a new surface. I don’t have issues when I sleep on hotel beds or when visiting family. What gives??
Sounds like 2 beds is in order for you. You never mentioned how you did on the all latex bed. I’m a latex expert so I won’t really recommend anything but latex or latex with coils. Since he doesn’t like latex I don’t really know what to recommend. I can only tell you that anything super soft is not going to last him very long.
Well that sucks, the man demands cuddles like a giant spoilt cat so the two beds idea isn’t going to go over well either :lol:
I agree that he will tear right through anything too soft, although he did prefer the feel of it, there wasn’t nearly enough support on his side (Talalay extra soft 14-18/Dunlop Soft 18-22/Dunlop firm 36-40), so I can’t really blame him for being uncomfortable.
You asked how I did - My side was configured Talalay xs/Dunlop soft/Dunlop medium 26-32. My initial comfort was great, but I was a little achy in the morning and I felt I did need more support for my hips. I tried putting the soft on the bottom and moving the medium up, but that was a really awful night, I couldn’t even get comfortable enough to fall asleep. I did like the feel of latex, and I think given enough time we could have found a combination that worked for both of us, but I wasn’t sure enough that I was willing to eat $1500 if we didn’t.
I am now considering a coil hybrid, and it seems like it might work but I’m concerned that it will still be too firm for me, even with a super plush latex top. And the question remains what to put on his side, as he said even the dunlop 18-22 felt too hard.
I hate to say it but he’s a problem in what he wants and what is good for him. He likes it soft but it doesn’t give him support so what do you do with that? I suggest you see if there might be a SavvyRest dealer in your area where you could try both a latex hybrid and an all latex with variable layers. I must emphasize that anything under 20 ILD will NOT hold up to his weight very long and that includes latex.
You hit the nail on the head, Ken! It’s frustrating to say the least. I absolutely cannot understand how he thinks the Casper is soft and the latex was not.
Thank you for the suggestion. The closest Saavy Rest dealer is a couple hours away. There’s a Naturepedic dealer very close to us, that’s where we went first to try out latex vs hybrid systems before we decided to try latex.
I don’t think I actually mentioned our stats, I’m 5’3" 120#, he’s 6’4" 230#. I have chronic low back pain and an unstable SI joint. I have been advised to consider a 4-layer mattress based on our previous experience, but that seems like overkill.
I’m about ready to give latex a second try and tell him to deal with it. I think once we get through the first week he will acclimate.
Our most popular config is 6" Talalay #32 core with 3" of #19 on top. Good support under and good cushion on top. If there is something like this in your area you could try it would be helpful. The more layers the more second guessing, it’s just my experience.