Hi yuppicide,
I would suggest that you completely reset how you are looking for a mattress.
The first place to start your research is the mattress shopping tutorial here which includes all the basic information, steps, and guidelines that you will need to make the best possible choice … and more importantly know how and why to avoid the worst ones.
Two of the most important links in the tutorial that I would especially make sure you’ve read are post #2 here which has more about the different ways to choose a suitable mattress (either locally or online) that is the best “match” for you in terms of “comfort” and PPP (Posture and alignment, Pressure relief, and Personal preferences) that can help you assess and minimize the risks of making a choice that doesn’t turn out as well as you hoped for and post #13 here which has more about the most important parts of the “value” of a mattress purchase which can help you make more meaningful quality/value comparisons between mattresses in terms of suitability (how well you will sleep), durability (how long you will sleep well), and the overall value of a mattress compared to your other finalists (based on all the parts of your personal value equation that are most important to you).
There is also more information in post #3 here and the posts it links to that would be helpful for those that are in higher weight ranges. While the process of how to choose a mattress would be the same … most people in higher weight ranges will generally need or prefer firmer mattresses (firmer materials will feel softer than they would for those that are lighter because you will sink into them more) and materials and components that are higher quality and more durable (the materials and components in a mattress will soften and break down faster for those in higher weight ranges than they will for someone that is in a lower weight range that doesn’t compress the mattress as much).
I would be very cautious about choosing a mattress based on its thickness alone because the thickness of a mattress or any individual layers inside it is really just a side effect of the design and the design goals of a mattress and is also only one of many variables that can affect the feel and performance of a mattress relative to any particular to any specific person and by itself isn’t particularly meaningful (see post #2 here). In some cases higher weight ranges will sometimes do better with a mattress that is a little thicker than lower weight ranges (see post #14 here for more about the effect of thickness) but even this depends more on the specific design and combination of materials in the mattress and on how well the mattress “as a whole” matches your specific needs and preferences than anything else.
I also wouldn’t assume that you “need” a gel material for cooling and there are many other options that can provide good or even better temperature regulation than gel materials. Gel memory foams (and other types of gel foams) include a very wide range of different materials with different formulations so they aren’t just a single material with the same temperature regulating properties but there is more information about gel foams in general in post #2 here and the posts it links to. In very general terms … gel and/or other thermal conductive or phase change materials can have “some effect” on on the sleeping temperature of a particular material but how much of an effect they will have and how long the effect will last will depend on the specific formulation of the material and on the “combined effect” of all the other materials and components of the sleeping system including your sheets, mattress protector, and bedding. Gel materials tend to have a more temporary effect when you first go to sleep at night or over the first part of the night than they will over the entire course of the night.
While it’s not possible to quantify the sleeping temperature of a mattress for any particular person with any real accuracy because there are so many variables involved including the type of mattress protector and the sheets and bedding that you use (which in many cases can have just as significant an effect on temperature as the type of foam in a mattress) and on where you are in the “oven to iceberg” range and because there is no standardized testing for temperature regulation with different combinations of materials … there is more about the many variables that can affect the sleeping temperature of a mattress or sleeping system in post #2 here that can help you choose the types of materials and components that are most likely to keep your wife in a comfortable temperature range.
[quote]There’s so many choices! There’s so many good (and bad) reviews. One website says this, another website says that.
I read a bunch of reviews. On another review website the highest rating brand that came in soft was the Alexander from Nest Bedding or a Saatva.
Amazon has reviews of course, but the other site that I was using doesn’t, which lead me here. People seem to have good reviews, but then you Google and find crap reviews on Yelp! [/quote]
While other people’s comments or reviews about the knowledge, service, and guidance of a particular business can certainly be helpful … I would avoid using other people’s experiences or reviews on a mattress (either positive or negative) or “so called” mattress review sites in general as a reliable source of information or guidance about how you will feel on the same mattress or how suitable or how durable a mattress may be for you and in many if not most cases they can be more misleading than helpful because a mattress that would be a perfect choice for one person or even a larger group of people may be completely unsuitable for someone else to sleep on (see post #13 here).
You can also see some comments about the many “professional review sites” in general in post #1 here in the simplified choice topic (and the video here it also links to). They are really nothing more than revenue sites that in most cases have little to no experience in the industry, have very little knowledge about mattress materials or mattresses in general, and are only in existence to earn the revenue that has become available as a result of the “new breed” of simplified choice online mattresses that are entering the market.
There isn’t much difference between going into a chain store and buying a mattress based on the “recommendation” of a salesperson that is only there for the money and commissions, knows very little meaningful information about mattress or mattress materials, and is just repeating the “sales and marketing information” they have learned (most of which is meaningless) for the sake of making their commissions and the many so called “professional review sites” that are little more than an online version of the same thing.
If you are looking at online options then the tutorial also includes several links to lists of the better online options I’m aware of (in the optional online step) that include many different types and categories of mattresses in a wide range of budgets that would be well worth considering.
When you can’t test a mattress in person then the most reliable source of guidance is always a more detailed phone conversation with a knowledgeable and experienced retailer or manufacturer that has your best interests at heart and who can help “talk you through” the specifics of their mattresses and the properties and “feel” of the materials they are using (fast or slow response, resilience, firmness etc) and the options they have available that may be the best “match” for you based on the information you provide them, any local testing you have done or mattresses you have slept on and liked or other mattresses you are considering that they are familiar with, and the “averages” of other customers that are similar to you. They will know more about “matching” their specific mattress designs and firmness levels to different body types, sleeping positions, and preferences (or to other mattresses that they are familiar with) than anyone else.
If you are also interested in including local options in your research that you can test in person before a purchase then if you let me know your city or zip code I’d be happy to let you know about any of the better options or possibilities I’m aware of in your area.
Phoenix