I have no idea what to do and need help

[whycantthisbeeasy]

Im here. Im way down in the rabbit hole. I cannot find my way out. It’s dark and lonely and I want to be able to sleep!

My husband is a back sleeper but sometimes sleeps sideways. He is about 210. I am a side sleeper almost always. I sleep in a fetal position most nights lol. Im about 165 lbs .

We bought a Stearns and Foster 10 years ago… yes 10 and we are still sleeping on it. Well I am not sleeping anymore. I am tossing and turning and miserable. It is indented where our bodies are. I never really cared for the bed. At one point I thought it was to hard. We put a mattress topper on it which made me be able to sleep on it all these years. I used to yearn to make my bed a Disney one or a luxury hotel bed because I always slept better . Now, I am in pain from my bed. When I go to a hotel , I sleep great and am not in pain.

We have been trying to find a new mattress but you know… the rabbit hole. I don’t want to spend thousands to be in pain anymore.After my night last night… lf tossing and turning…basically not sleeping … I am determined to find a mattress that will work. I want to sleep in a cloud but I know that might not be what’s best for me . But that is what I want lol.

So from what I have learned, is that maybe I need a medium firm? That might work for both of us? My husband sleeps like a rock so I guess he can sleep on anything.

I have looked at Boring, Helix, Saatva , purple, nectar, winked, etc. You find people who love them and then just as many that say they stink!

My daughter bought one on amazon that her friend has and she says it’s the most comfortable mattress ever. It was about $500 which was Signature Design by Ashley Queen Size Ultra Luxury 12 Inch Hyper Cool Euro Top Hybrid Mattress with Cooling Gel Memory Foam. But she is also in her 20’s . Sooo not sure it would work for me.

Has anyone tried Boring, Helix or any mattress that they have good things to say? On Reddit, I read a couple threads about liking certain mattresses but then way more saying don’t buy it.

Please help me get some sleep!

[NikkiTMU]

Hello whycantthisbeeasy (great name, ha!)

Welcome to our Mattress Forum

@whycantthisbeeasy

It’s dark and lonely and I want to be able to sleep!

You’re definitely not alone here in the dark!

@whycantthisbeeasy

I am tossing and turning and miserable. It is indented where our bodies are.

After 10 years, this isn’t surprising. Sounds like it has reached the end of it’s natural lifespan.

@whycantthisbeeasy

I used to yearn to make my bed a Disney one or a luxury hotel bed because I always slept better

Fun fact, often times they just have a relatively cheap easy to swap out top comfort layer. So, the beds are plush and nice because the layer swaps are easy and cheap for them.

@whycantthisbeeasy

I am determined to find a mattress that will work. I want to sleep in a cloud but I know that might not be what’s best for me

I too am in the sleep-in-a-cloud camp. It’s a very specific feel and I totally get it! I think you DO know what’s best for you, it’s just hard to put the technicalities of mattress feel into words sometimes.

@whycantthisbeeasy

I have looked at Boring, Helix, Saatva , purple, nectar, winked, etc. You find people who love them and then just as many that say they stink!

Eehhh a lot of these have massive marketing teams and say all the right thing, but when you’re catering to EVERYONE as your target audience, you’re not actually going to offer the best, most durable product. We do have Durability Guidelines that we suggest people take a look at when possible.

@whycantthisbeeasy

My daughter bought one on amazon that her friend has and she says it’s the most comfortable mattress ever.

That’s always hard because what may feel amazing to me may be a literal nightmare for you. Personal preference is such a huge factor in choosing a mattress, which is why it can be so infuriating.

@whycantthisbeeasy

He is about 210. I am a side sleeper almost always. I sleep in a fetal position most nights lol. Im about 165 lbs .

Are you looking for the same thing out of a bed? Or is he one of those who happily sleeps on anything?

I think some good places to start would be:

The Classic or Premier Hybrid from @DLX

the 3D matrix from GhostBed may be worth a gander

as well as The Owl (in plush) by Nest Bedding.

NikkiTMU

[DLX]

Thanks for the mention, @NikkiTMU.

Mattress shopping can feel like an endless maze, and comfort is so personal that one person’s dream bed is another person’s nightmare. It really can feel like you’re stumbling around in the dark trying to find the right mattress, with everyone on the internet offering a different opinion.

If you know the exact mattress from the hotel—or can check with the hotel—it might be worth starting there.

Since you mentioned liking the feel of hotel beds and having a Stearns & Foster for the last 10 years (even if it wasn’t perfect), there’s a good chance you’d like the feel of the DLX Premier. It has a similar high-end innerspring support system and comes with a great feature: a zipper design that lets you adjust the comfort level. So if it starts out too soft or too firm—or changes over time—you can tweak it without having to buy a new mattress.

Also, since you’re a dedicated side sleeper, I’d lean toward the 14" Premier over the 12". The 14" has a taller coil system and just a little more cushioning—something side sleepers tend to really appreciate. It is over $1,000.

That said, if you’re trying to stay under $1,000, our Classic or Essential models combined with a good, thick topper can still get you that plush feel. You might consider a 3" or 4" topper and then add a down feather topper for that extra softness and cloud-like feel. While toppers are often seen as temporary solutions, high-end brands like Hästens and Duxiana actually use them by design in their $20K+ beds. When done right, they can give you that cozy, soft surface you want—without sacrificing support underneath.

Also, you mentioned how well you sleep in hotels—totally normal. We actually wrote about that here: Why Hotel Beds Feel So Good
Spoiler: It’s the whole experience—blackout shades, no chores waiting, plush bedding, luxurious pillows and sheets, and the mental break from daily life. Leaving behind the stress of home plays a huge role in better sleep. But yes, a 10-year-old worn-out bed definitely doesn’t help.

You’re doing great just by being here and asking questions—even if it doesn’t feel like it yet. Happy to help and answer any questions.

[whycantthisbeeasy]

Thank you so much for you answer!! My husband tends to like firmer. Maybe that’s what I need? I don’t know. When we first got my stearns…I thought it was so firm it hurt my hips . I ended up putting a topper on which my husband was ok with. If its too soft though, I am not sure he would like it. I will check out your suggestions. I have been down this rabbit hole and my husband is just telling me to pick one! LOL. I am just nervous about picking the wrong one. …but it’s to the point that my body hurts due to our current situation and I dont think a new bed could be any worse lol