Still confused, trying to do things right this time

[whalesauce]

Hey everyone, I have spent quite a while reading what I can on this site, various forum posts and articles etc but I am still… really lost on what to do or where to go. I think one of my biggest issues is that I just really do not even know what I even “like” or what I should or should not do. To summarize that, I don’t think (not just think… I know) I have ever had a good mattress or at least I have never had anything proper for any real extended period of time, which makes it difficult for me to even know what I even like. To layer on to that, things are kind of catching up with me with the physical damage my body has taken not only from sleeping on… terrible things, but also numerous and repeated sever injuries. Which I am just coming off yet another round of, with my temporary mattress now shot, leading to the “let’s do it right” this time goal I have.

Without writing a huge novel, I have just bounced around a lot my whole life, which included spending years sleeping on futons and garbage like that, so I have only ever had like 2 actual mattresses I have ever seriously slept on. The futon situation from years back (paired with other work/lifestyle situations that did not help at all) kicked off the start of lower back problems. Now today, I have repeatedly broken and fractured my lower back that L1-L3 is just a total mess of compressed fragments masquerading as a bone structure. So sciatic issues have been huge issues for years for me. Then more recently I was able to double down on making things worse by falling several stories smacking on to concrete which resulted in my femur getting blasted into my pelvis shattering the works in the process. With all of that, now I don’t even know how I even “like” to sleep anymore. I just objectively do not know how to begin to even know or form an opinion on the basics at this point.

The biggest take away I think I have had right now, is I feel it may be a better option to DIY / build something, that way I could swap a layer out, add or remove, etc to try and dial things in better after starting with something. Rather than trying to guess on an entire setup and then being stuck with it to some extent, which I could easily see where something may seem good day 1, maybe day 90 I come to the conclusion that my choice was not the correct call. Does this seem like a reasonable place to start?

Beyond that, I can say that I used to generally sleep on my stomach, I am always boiling on fire hot, and 6’+ 200lb of meat to support. Now given my past and more so last couple years, I had been forced to learn to sleep on my back, which I apparently still default to even though I guess I don’t really have to do that anymore. Despite all of the damage, there isn’t really anything I could say I specifically need or have to do in order to sleep. Comfort is just a… memory of something I used to have I think at some point in the past. I don’t really remember what that really is at this point.

I was hoping someone could help point me in a direction. I guess like I said before, I think that it would be most reasonable to do something more diy/build so that I can make changes and adjustments down the road. I have looked into what others have done to some extent, but thought I would start by just asking here if that should be the correct place to even start with.

To jump ahead a tiny bit, assuming that would be the correct path to take… I would need to start with choosing some type of base to work with? The paths I have found would be either to buy like an 8" foam something for a base. I do not recall what walmart something that seemed to get recommended a lot for this, but I do not think that product exists anymore either. A close alternative I recently found was a 8" “firm” mattress by.. DreamCraft I believe, that looked to be about the same thing as best as I could tell. I saw I can pick one of those up local from Menards of all places rather easy. Otherwise, it looks like something like the pocket spring store and starting there? But right now I would have no idea on what would be ideal to even start with.

Any help would be greatly appreciated. Thank you much!

[Sleep_EZ]

Hi Whalesauce and welcome to the forums and thanks for the inquiry! You might want to consider the 10” organic latex mattress from Sleep EZ - https://sleepez.com/product/organic-latex-mattress/ Latex is all-natural and organic, and it’s certified against harmful chemicals and off-gassing, and it lasts just about forever. The organic and natural mattresses (the Select Sleep mattresses) are our flagship products. They’re fully customizable, meaning you can order the mattress to be as soft or as firm as you’d like. They’re also fully adjustable, meaning you can change the softness, firmness, back support, pressure relief, etc. AFTER you get the mattress in your home. To be more specific, the 10” is our most popular, and these mattresses normally go out with three 3" layers of different firmnesses - normally the softest layer (or the cushion & contour layer) is on top and the supportive layers are on the bottom. This helps ensure our customers get the right balance of contour for their hips and shoulders but also support for their lower back. If you start with a certain setup and find that it’s too soft, you can unzip the cover and rearrange the layers to get a firmer feel out of the mattress, or you can exchange a layer to make it softer. Additionally, latex mattresses typically last 20 years. If, in 5 or 10 or 15 years you decide you want a softer or firmer mattress you would only have to buy a new layer instead of an entirely new mattress. Lastly, if the mattress starts to break down in 15 – 20 years, it’s normally the top layer that breaks down first, and at that point you can likely just buy a new top layer of latex instead of a whole new mattress and get an additional 8-10 years out of the mattress.

Furthermore, queen, king, and cal king mattresses are available with what we call “split layers,” which means you can have us cut the layers down the middle (from head to foot) so that you can have a different feel / firmness on your side versus your partner’s side, and you can adjust each side independently over the 20 year lifetime of the mattress. About 95% of our mattresses go out with all split layers from top to bottom, and we get zero complaints on being able to feel the split and we get zero complaints about the layers shifting or anything like that, even if you sleep right on the middle of the mattress.

If you’re wondering how to pick the layers for this mattress, you can go to the natural or organic mattress page, click the green button that says “Build Your Mattress Now,” then click the gray oval that says “Personalized,” and you’ll be able to enter your information. The website will then make a personalized recommendation based on your information (the layers in the mattress diagram will reflect the recommendation after you click the “Apply” button. Please note that our initial recommendations have a 90% success rate (we only have a 10% layer exchange rate) so there’s a 90% chance that the recommendation turns out to be your perfect setup!

Although it’s not likely that you’ll need to rearrange layers or exchange layers, you certainly have the option to adjust the mattress according to you and your partner’s specific needs and preferences, both in the short-term and long-term. We have a 90 day exchange and return period, so you can exchange a layer within the first 90 days for a flat-rate $30 fee for the first exchange and the full cost of shipping for any subsequent exchanges. We will ship your layers first, and we will ship them with extra plastic that you can use to package your current layers, and we will ship it with a pre-paid Fed Ex return label. Also, if you will please call us when you are ready to ship your layers back we will schedule a free Fed Ex pick up for you. You will have 30 days after its arrival to return a layer of your choosing, so you’ll have plenty of time to try a few different combinations with the layers you have and the layer we will be sending you so that you can get your comfort and support levels just right.

[Maverick]

Hi there whalesauce.

Welcome to the Mattress Underground

First, I have been where you are only with several herniated and compressed discs that kept me from being able to walk and missed about a month and a half’s work. So I know back pain. You don’t need to know exactly what you like before you start, especially if you’ve spent years sleeping on mattresses that weren’t particularly comfortable for you.

A DIY mattress can be a reasonable option because it allows you to change individual layers as you learn more about what works for you. The important thing is to approach it as a process of careful experimentation rather than trying to find the perfect combination on the first attempt. While I am not a big fan of DIY, it certainly can be an approach to consider. I find that when someone collaborates with an experienced mattress professional, they have a higher likelihood of succeeding. This is not to disparage or discourage anyone, but the biggest issue is there are folks out there that will take random advice on youtube or reddit, but you never know if you are getting the advice from an experienced professional or a novice. It is not as simple as throwing some layers on top of each other and zipping a cover on it. It can be if you know what you are doing, but it can become a time consuming, costly rabbit hole you go into and build frustrations even more.

Given your history of significant spinal and pelvic injuries, though, I’d be cautious about recommending a particular firmness or construction based on your height, weight, and sleeping position alone. Your situation is more complex than a typical mattress-selection question, and advice from your treating clinician or physical therapist about any positioning or support considerations would be a useful starting point. It is not that you could not start crafting a mattress or select one that might be perfect or there is only one combination, actually, you might find two somewhat different concepts that might work fabulously for you.

From a mattress-building perspective, I’d want to understand a little more before steering you toward an all-foam base or pocket springs. Both can be worth investigating, but the comfort layers above the support system will also play a major role in how the mattress feels.

Since you sleep hot, that is another factor we’ll want to consider when comparing materials and constructions. You don’t have to solve everything at once. Let’s start with the basics and work through it one step at a time. A couple of questions to help narrow things down:

1. What size mattress are you looking to build, and what sort of budget would you be comfortable with?
2. Do you currently have any guidance from your medical team about sleep positions or support needs that we should take into account?

From there, we can start exploring practical options without committing you to an entire mattress that may not work out.

It appears that @Sleep_EZ has offered some great advice to begin with.

Glad you found your way here, and welcome to the community!

Maverick