I would so appreciate any advice. I’ve slept about 4 hours a night the last 3 nights. I’m scared to go to bed tonight. I’m a 49 year old 5’7" male weighing 185 with a belly. I’m a side sleeper. I am seeking the cradling feeling of a good memory foam.
I hope this is the right section to post this.
Broke a rib sleeping in sept of 2024. I suspect is was because of my 4 inch 10 year old topper collapsing in the middle over an old sterns and foster inner spring. Since then, I have been chasing a good night’s rest. I’ve agitated the rib several times. Twice were trying out mattresses in the showroom. I have purchased 4 beds:
+leesa - blind purchase before I realized buying a bed is now a process. Leesa feels like laying on a table to me
+beautyrest black 2 plush - felt right in the showroom, but sagged in the middle quickly
+tempur pedic soft. - figured i’d try this based mostly on reputation and out of ideas Felt ok for a couple days before the top layer seemed to collapse entirely instead of the familiar gradual sinking during the first few minutes.
+bedgear medium soft - felt great in showroom, but developed a middle sag before breaking in.
I have been trying countless toppers because these mattresses didn’t work out. I’ve tried generic 100 dollar amazon ones. Tried High Resliency 20 28 and 36 from foamonline. I tried a 5lb soft one from foamfactory that was just mush. The tempur-pedic one just felt weird not comfortable. Viscosoft wasn’t soft. The toppers I’ve purchased that are soft enough, just collapse after a short time if they don’t collapse upon laying on them the first time. Recently, I was buying Saatva toppers for my Bedgear bed. The Saatva toppers aren’t cheap, but I would get a couple weeks out of them. I now own 5 collapsed Saatva toppers.
Current setup: Four nights ago, I was looking forward to using my 4th Saatva only to have it collapse by 6am so I ending up reading this forum. From reading here, I learned that putting a soft memory foam on a sagging mattress will just cause the topper to follow the same line and not last long. This caused me to switch to the leesa. I figured i could just use that as a foundation. That didn’t work because I just sank through the Saatva onto the Leesa. The next day, I had a Sleep on Latex soft 3" topper delivered. I know I don’t like latex, but I’m desperate. One night, I had the Leesa on the bottom, then Saatva then the latex. No dice. I just felt like i was sleeping on top of the latex. I reversed them for last night and the Saatva collapsed in hours I guess because the soft latex didn’t offer enough support?
So thank you for reading this and any advice you could offer for me to get back that cradling heavenly sleep would be great. Is my layering poor? Are the things I have made poorly?
update: I’ve just gone back to the Bedgear because it’s in a room I’ve been sleeping in for over 20 years. I have the 3 inch soft latex on top of the bedgear and a possibly already worn Saatva on top.
I’m unable to move the Leesa to this room due to recovering from biceps tendon repair. I’ve also ordered a 3" medium latex from from Sleep on Latex. I thought this might be a better middle layer because it might have more support? Maybe I should have gone with 2 inches. I do sink a lot with this setup, but it seems to be the best I can do atm.
What do you have under your mattress? If the foundation isn’t supportive then the mattress won’t end up supportive for long either.
Also, to save on costs you can consider a Serene foam topper.
I have heard good things about foam factory so I got their 5lb 4" topper which they claim is 12ILD. I just sank through it. I wonder if their 4lb 3" would be better as it is supposed to be 14 ILD so it may hold me from sinking through?
An issue people often misunderstand is the assumption that higher-density viscoelastic foam automatically results in a firmer sleeping surface. This is not accurate. Density primarily reflects the amount of polymer used in the foam and is more closely related to durability and longevity than firmness.
Firmness is determined by the foam’s formulation, including the type of viscoelastic polymer, additives, and the manufacturing process. For example, Tempur-Pedic’s original 5+ lb memory foam formulation was relatively firm and slow-responding, while other 5 lb memory foams, such as Foam by Mail’s (foam factory) version, are engineered to be much softer and more pressure-relieving despite having similar density.
Temperature sensitivity and response time also vary by formulation. Some high-density memory foams soften significantly with body heat and respond slowly, while others are designed to be less temperature-sensitive and recover more quickly, which further affects how firm or soft the foam feels in real-world use.
Yeah I know the 2 aren’t necessarily related. Those foam by mail ILD numbers seem awfully low tho.
I just remember toppers from 10-12 years ago were more dense and even tho they were relatively soft, they didn’t collapse for years. That seems to be what I’m after
ok so I just put the 5lb 4" 12 ILD memory foam from Foam Factory on 2 firm beds and one medium bed. I just sunk right through the 4". Again i’m 5’7 185 side sleeper looking for pressure relief. I probably have a bone condition or fibromyalgia. I can’t lay or sit on much of anything. Is there such a thing as a 3 or 4 inch 5lb or so memory foam topper that has a higher ILD so I won’t sink to the bottom. I see foam factory has a 4lb 14 ILD. Not sure 2 ILD would make much of a difference?
I suggested the Serene foam topper since it is comparable to medium or higher ild memory foam, and can be purchased through a retailer so if it’s not to your liking you can just return it.
At your weight if you’re going to consider low ILD memory foam you’ll want 1” or 2” at most, not 4”.
For what it’s worth, memory foam options available nowadays aren’t as good as they used to be. At the very least, the options available to consumers aren’t as good.
I dont like memory foam on its own. I got some hybrid memory/latex foam for my top layer. Or you can find a layer that has both in it. I like to put the latex on top of the memory foam so it relieves pressure but then you still get some sink.
Its a real difficult thing to tell you the specifics about over text, it seems youll need to keep trying new things till you find something that works
I got a 3 inch soft latex from sleep on latex. It’s just too firm for me. Feels like a table even when I put memory foam on top of it. Maybe I need a thinner one. I dunno. I’m 20k into this and no answers. Whatever is wrong with me needs soft
I think i have an answer for you. I think you need standard foam. Because the problem with latex is that it doesn’t matter if it’s soft it’s still resisting compression due to its structure.
One last thing id try, is get on foambymail and order a 3" thick super soft foam and put it in your topper cover, then put that on top of your good straight bed. Either that or 3 1" layers but that’s a bit tougher to work with since it’s so soft. Maybe if you dont even worry about the topper cover, you could just arrange the layers in your fitted sheet. Youd have to decide how you want to manage that.
I actually put a 1" layer of just straight up super soft foam on top of my quadmini spring layer from texas pocket springs, then put one of those “bamboo” pillow toppers from amazon over that and my diy bed felt great. Maybe you could try that. I used the pillow topper to hold in my foam layers so i could freely modify the feel of the bed, and then i put my fitted sheet over that. Cause then you could also order some 1" layers of other firmness foams and swap them around to get your perfect feel. Polyfoam is a touch firmer than their super soft.
So that’s a cheap thing to play around with. Because it’s a fine balance between pressure relief and alignment.
If that doesn’t work, shoot i don’t know, maybe try the avocado luxury box top…i know it’s about 5800 but when i talked to the guy at wildcat mattress in kentucky he said he has 48 month financing on it and maybe he could get white glove delivery for you. That bed felt incredible how plush the latex was in it. And its stiched in the top amazingly.
But ultimately i think you’ve invested so much into this, you need a cheap and easily modifiable solution. Standard foam layers on foambymail are cheap, and you can easily arrange them to modify the feel of your bed how you need it to be.
So what i suggest ordering would be 3 1" super soft layers, and 2 1" layers of polyfoam. Whether or not you get the bamboo topper from amazon (its about $40) is up to you, i actually really like mine even though its 60% polyester and only 40% bamboo, but its nice to have that extra bed sheet effect where i put my foams underneath it, and then put that pillow top on top of it. It feels like the bed was built that way, how they usually build pillow top beds.
I can relate to your situation, trust me. I also understand the sleep anxiety that comes from not getting a good night’s rest too many nights in row, it’s terrible. But there is hope!
Have you tried Talalay latex by chance? It’s a game changer if dunlop is feeling too firm for you. I went through the same thing. So much money, stress, and sleepless nights. If you are anywhere near southern CA I highly recommend making a visit to Mattress Makers San Diego. I spent 3.5 hours in their store a few weeks ago and left feeling like there is actually hope for me. I’ll let you know once I sleep on my new mattress, which should be arriving soon.
If you have any questions at all I will check back here. I’m starting to film a mattress series of videos to put on YouTube because this project has been ongoing for over a year and has been all consuming. This forum has been amazing. I’m hoping to help others avoid the mistakes I made and also give encouragement. God bless you, don’t give up!
I recorded your whole post, but do you happen to know the ILD or pounds/cf of that foam?
My other problem is my bedgear bed can sag. I have a leesa that feels like a table no matter what toppers I put on it, but it doesn’t seem to be prone to sagging. I have a tempur that is soft. I didn’t use that long before the top layer seemed to collapse. These temperature sensitive foams are tough because my bedroom can fluctuate in temp.
It seems the leesa is your only option, just stack foams until you get it plush enough. The ild of the super soft foam is 12 and it is not temperature sensitive.
for 20 bucks each