Very confused about firmness levels. Can't find a suitable mattress

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Hey all,

For background, I’m male 6’2", 235lbs currently (although working on losing weight,) and I have a history of chronic pain, mostly in my back and neck, but more recently in my arms and shoulders as well. I am a side sleeper, and i have wide shoulders and wide hips.

I’m currently in the middle of trying to find a mattress that works for me. I dont have to absolutely love it, i simply want it to not hurt when i lie down. From 2018 to 2022 i was sleeping on an old inhereted twin innerspring mattress that was a piece of junk. When i finally needed a new mattress in 2022, i went pretty cheap and got a Sleepy’s Doze from Mattress Firm. The Doze wore out within two years and was causing me such awful pain that i could barely get out of bed in the morning, which brings me to where i am now.

In December 2024, i bought a SleepOnLatex medium mattress to replace the Doze. At first, i thought it was pretty great. I wasn’t waking up with the debilitating neck and back pain anymore. This lasted about a week and a half, and then i started noticing a lot of pain in my lower back and occasionally my neck as well. It felt like what was happening was that my hips were sitting too high, like they couldnt sink into the mattress as much as they needed to, and neither could my shoulders, although i didnt actually have any pain in my shoulders. This caused my mid-section between my hips and my shoulders to sag, leading to back pain. I tried multiple things to alleviate this, including multiple SoL toppers (the firm was too firm and the soft was way too soft,) foam toppers that didn’t help much, and different pillows. Although i wasn’t feeling as much pain as i had with the Doze, i was certainly not feeling great anymore.

Eventually i realized this wasn’t working out, and i checked out a mattress store that had a bunch of the online brands out in the showroom. I tried a ton of different mattresses, and in the showroom the Brooklyn Bedding Signature Hybrid in medium felt pretty good. I didnt feel the pressure points in my hips and lower back like i was feeling on the SoL, and i decided to give it a try.

I’ve only slept on the Brooklyn Bedding for one night so far, so im aware that this may be somewhat premature, but it feels awful to me. I opted to get the medium with the cloud pillow top, and although my hips do feel like theyre able to sink in and actually feel pretty good, my shoulders are in agony lying on that thing, such that one night on this mattress has re-activated a shoulder/arm problem i haven’t had problems with for six months. The bed feels lumpy and firm and just not at all what i remember trying in the store, and i don’t feel like I’m getting contouring anywhere except for my hips. At this point i have no idea what to do. I know i have to keep this for 30 days before they’ll let me return it or try a topper. Will this mattress break in some? If not, given my weight, would there be any reason for me to try the soft model?

I’m so confused about what firmness i actually need. This is all a lot. I keep reading i should like a medium firmness for my weight, but both of these have felt pretty hard to me so far.

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Call Brooklyn Bedding to find out about break in. Most likely you will be returning it.

Id try Aireloom Preferred Luxetop M1/M2 in firm/plush (4 mattresses) and the Streamline collection. Check out Richard on youtube at “Aireloom mattress reviews”.

Id also try BackScience. Im your weight by am 5ft 11in and I bought BackScience 2(Luxury Firm). You might like BS3 also (more plush for side sleepers). At the BackScience showroom, they have Aireloom also.

John

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I am about the same height and weight with similar issues with neck, back, hip, and shoulder pains. I have lost weight to help with back issues. So losing weight is a priority. I finally started building my own mattress with layering of latex 3" and layers of 2" on top layers to allow adjustment. If you go this route you need to be very aware of ILD or firmness of each latex layer. Stores to consider: Latex mattress Factory, Foam Sweet foam, Sleep EZ, Turmerry, Sleep on Latex and Arizona Premium Mattress. I went overboard and built a 15" encasement needing more height and flexibility to my bed… Buy encasement at Arizona premium mattress as they have the best offering on sizes from 6" to 15" with good quality. I went with three each 3" layers and three each 2" layers. This was my 2nd build as my first was 9" encasement. The first three layers are for foundation and support. 3" 46 ILD (sleep on Latex), 3" 38-42 ILD (Turmerry), 3" 34 ILD Sleep on Latex. Next three layers are 2" and for comfort and flexibility. 2" 28 ILD (Latex Mattress factory) 2" 22-26 ILD ( Turmerry). Set this 5 layer up in another room with sheets etc. and tried it a few nights. Was a tad firm but absolutely acceptable. Turmerry has a 7-zone technology that does help with softer area for the shoulders. I really wanted a Talalay on top but with a king bed it turns out it would have to be a glued topper or two XL twin layers glued together. Was not fond of this idea but was going to try it but ended up not doing it. Again I have flexibility here. I considered putting another Dunlop ILD 28 or 30 or 32 or another ILD before the Turmerry, but ended up putting a Foam Factory 2" 5 LB ViscoMax Memory Foam topper as the last layer in the encasement. Also to help with possible heat issues with memory foam I use a thick wool topper on top of encasement. I try to sleep on my back but end up on side and this helps with hip and shoulder issues I have. My first build ended up with 2" memory foam on top of encasement, but this time I put it in the encasement. I would not want anymore than 2" or maybe even 1" of memory foam but I do like the plushness it gives vs the push back you get from latex. Absolutely a preference of the individual. Again if it does not hold up I can make changes in the layers or remove memory foam and go with Talalay.
If you like the push back and have a queen size bed go with Talalay as your top layer. FYI I am 67 years old and my son thinks I should just buy a cheap firm foam bed on Amazon and replace as needed and thinks I over do it. I do think a 12" with two 3" layers and three 2" layers is more than enough.
Hope to see comments!!

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I have been through this myself. Side sleeper here. I tried Flobeds, Purple, Tempurpedics, Sattva and many I tried at the stores. I ended up with a Stearns & Foster Reserve plush pillow top and have never slept on a more comfortable mattress. I am 5’6" and 178lbs and would not recommend this bed for your height and weight although maybe try it and some other firmness options in their line. Also, a Tempurpedic Luxe Adapt or Luxe Breeze might work. For me the Luxe Breeze Medium Hybrid was just a bit too firm for me, but might work great for you. Sattva was an average mattress so all of there adverts must be hype. Back Science never got back to me when I wanted to purchase their bed, so I opted to look elsewhere. Never tried a Brooklyn.

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I have the winstons Beds “Sherwood mattress” and just purchased another of theirs for my home away from home. The sherwood mattress has been a blessing for me.

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