Hi klausner,
I’m sorry to hear about all of your experiences … I know it can be frustrating to try and track down the cause or or combination of causes behind all the issues you are experiencing.
There is more about the many different symptoms that people may experience on a mattress and some of the most common causes behind them in post #2 here that may be helpful but if you experience upper body pain or discomfort on a mattress then it could also be a pillow issue which is causing causing your head to be “pushed” forward or it could be that the mattress comfort layers are too soft and may be causing you to sleep in a “hunched” position where your shoulders are pushed forward which can cause pain in the shoulder blade area as well.
It would certainly be “possible” but if you have experienced issues on many mattresses then it would “point to” an increased likelihood that the cause is something physiological rather than in the mattresses you are choosing but it’s not really possible to know for sure except by a process of elimination (including having your doctor rule out any possible physical causes) and/or trial and error because other than physical causes the only way to know for certain whether any “sleeping system” will work well for you in terms of PPP (Posture and alignment, Pressure relief, and Personal preferences) will be based on your own careful testing or personal experience.
One of the challenges of choosing a firm mattress and then adding a topper when you can’t test the combination in person is that choosing a suitable topper that is a good match for both your mattress and for you (different mattresses will affect the choice of topper that works best) can be almost as challenging as choosing a mattress that doesn’t need a topper in the first place because the only way to know whether the combination will be a good “match” for you will be based on your own personal experience (see post #2 here). At the very least I would make sure that the topper has a good exchange return policy so there would be less risk of buying a topper that doesn’t turn out as well as you hoped for.
If you do decide to go in this direction in spite of the risks that can be involved then post #2 here and the topper guidelines it links to has more information that can help you use your sleeping experience on a mattress as a reference point and guideline to help you choose the type, thickness, and firmness for a topper that has the best chance of success.
This would depend on the firmness of the topper and how suitable the mattress/topper combination is for you in terms of PPP. Latex in the right firmness level can be very pressure relieving but the only way to know whether a specific thickness and firmness in combination with a specific mattress will work for you will be based on your own actual sleeping experience. There is more about the pros and cons of memory foam vs latex in post #2 here but this would really be a preference choice based on the very different properties of each of them that you tend to prefer.
As you can see in the guidelines here … I would tend to avoid major brands and larger chain stores or any mattress where you aren’t able to find out the specifics of the materials inside the mattress. A topper will add to the durability of the layers underneath it because it will absorb some of the compression forces that are the main reason for the softening and breakdown of the materials in a mattress.
If you are attracted to the idea of designing and building your own mattress out of separate components and a separate cover then the first place I would start is by reading option 3 in post #15 here and the posts it links to (and option #1 and #2 as well) so that you have more realistic expectations and that you are comfortable with the learning curve, uncertainty, trial and error, or in some cases the higher costs that may be involved in the DIY process. While it can certainly be a rewarding project … the best approach to a DIY mattress is a “spirit of adventure” where what you learn and the satisfaction that comes from the process itself is more important than any cost savings you may realize (which may or may not happen).
If you decide to take on the challenge then I would either use the specs (if they are available) of a mattress that you have tested and confirmed are a good match for you in terms of PPP as a reference point (the same type and blend of latex in the same thickness and firmness levels and a very similar cover which can also make a significant difference to the feel and performance of a mattress) or use a “bottom up” approach (see post #2 here).
Post #25 here may be worth reading as well to give you some idea of the complexity that can be involved.
In general terms latex is the most breathable and “temperature neutral” of all the foam materials (polyfoam, memory foam, latex foam) but some people that are closer to the oven side of the oven to iceburg range can sleep warm if they sleep directly on any foam material and it can help to have a more temperature regulating mattress quilting (such as wool) and cover on the mattress. Your mattress protector or a mattress pad along with your sheets and bedding can also have a significant effect on sleeping temperature. There is more about the many factors that can affect sleeping temperature in post #2 here and the posts it links to.
Unfortunately only you can feel what you feel on a mattress and there are too many unknowns, variables, and personal preferences involved for anyone to be able to make specific recommendations or suggest a specific mattress or combination of layers or materials based on specs (either yours or a mattress), health conditions, individual circumstances, or “theory at a distance” (see mattress firmness/comfort levels in post #2 here). I can certainly help you narrow down your options by avoiding the worst ones and with “how” to choose or act as a fact check but not with which specific mattress, company, or manufacturer to choose.
The most effective approach would be to follow all the steps in the mattress shopping tutorial which has all the basic information, steps, and guidelines that you will need to make the best possible choice … and know how and why to avoid the worst ones … and if you follow the steps one at a time you will have the best chance of success.
In situations like yours it would make sense to deal with a knowledgeable, experienced, and transparent retailer or manufacturer that can provide you with good guidance about which of the mattresses they have available would have the best chance of success based on your testing and feedback in combination with their knowledge and experience. The retailer/manufacturer you deal with can be one of the most important parts of making a successful mattress purchase and I would put at least as much time into researching the retailer/manufacturer you choose to deal with as you do the mattress because the better retailers/manufacturers will already know what you would otherwise need to learn and who you deal with can be one of the most important parts of a successful mattress purchase.
If you let me know your city or zip code I’d be happy to let you know about any of the better options or possibilities I’m aware of in your area.
Phoenix